Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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 [Private] Room 317, Day 2 - Kai - Page 2

[Private] Room 317, Day 2 - Kai

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Re: [Private] Room 317, Day 2 - Kai

Malakai Greenmantle III | Warlock; Elementalist

Posted on Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:14 pm

I’d always considered myself a man who understood a way to sell anything. Flashing a dazzling smile and offering up just the right array of words to get through even the hardiest of walls. It wasn’t just a trait that corresponded well with business but helped to manage a Facebook account with now maxed out friend privileges. Yet when faced with Michelle I couldn’t find a way to properly communicate how I felt around her. Never in my life had I experienced anything like it. Not been faced with a mystery so stupefying. I had pieces of the puzzle I was reluctant to put together but I was beginning to care less about the why more in favor of keeping how her presence, the very thought of her made my world brighter. “What you were going for.” Dumbfounded, I repeated her staring at the floor through the fingers of my clasped hands, forearms resting on my knees. Blond hair falling down over my face. I hadn’t wanted to consider that Michelle was not just an adrenalin junkie who needed a stunt double and education on the dangers of the Supernatural but someone who actually needed a suicide watch. The statement from her lips was enough to confirm that and then it got worse. I knew why I hadn’t made a move to see her in person. I’d never considered that she too had been purposefully not organizing lunch dates. Hadn’t wanted to think about it. Christ, it felt like I was two years old and someone had just told me Santa Clause wasn’t real and not only had Christmas been canceled this year but it had been deleted from the holiday calendar entirely. Everything about the intense pit that sat at the base of my stomach told me that I was a little crazy. Michelle and I barely knew each other. Didn’t make it any less real. Less powerful.

Lifting my head I peered through strands of my hair trying to tell myself to trust her when she said she wasn’t suicidal. “You really don’t need to hide anything from me. I know that sounds cheap coming from the Warlock who was actually going to wipe your memory to conceal what he is but…you don’t need to avoid me.” She hadn’t even told me what the hell was going on and I was already adamant that it wasn’t going to change anything. A hundred per cent positive. With no evidence to suggest the statement was true. “Use all the puppy based analogies you like, I’ll listen.” I tried to crack another smile, this one far less successful than the previous. She wasn’t even my girlfriend but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the beginning of this conversation had all the hallmarks of a break-up chat. Some contrived excuse like, it's not you, it's me or We’re just in different places in our lives. Practically felt like I was holding my heart in my hands ready to give it to her and she was talking about hidden agendas. Heart in my hands. Was I trying to say I was in love with her? Could I really say that? I knew little things about her but actually admitting that’s how I felt would be stating that love, at first sight, was a phenomenon that wasn’t just a term used in romance novels for lonely housewives.

“It would depend.” I hated this hypothetical question. The Lions were clearly a placeholder. “Trained Lions are different to those out in the wild. You can’t compare Supernatural Creatures to those that run on pure instinct Michelle but we also aren’t house cats. I know where you’re going with this. Even if you…” I stopped having to run both my hands through my hair trying to collect my thoughts and concentrate on controlling the heating pressure in my core. Just being near her brought the fire but I had been practicing. Trying to muster all my energy to capsule and siphon the power. I just needed more time..or more raw source magick. “We are sentient beings. Yes, we have instincts that humans don’t have. Vampires the desire for blood. Wolves for flesh….” I paused. Of course there were other examples for each of the species I could have listed but the one that I was hung up on related to me. An internal tug of war. Not wanting to scare her away from me but also not wanting to become the epitome of a hypocrite. “…Warlocks and Witches a desire for power but we can make conscious choices. Even if you..” I took a deep breath in and stood, looking down at her before sitting on the edge of the bed. Careful not to disturb the shoddy hospital matress too much. “…What we know we can’t control we make the decision to protect you from or not.”

What was difficult to say was going to have to be said. “You can’t blame them completely, your actions have an impact. You’re curious I get that but hell I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again this isn’t a video game. We aren’t ravenous beasts who live based on primal coding and nothing else but you can’t expect to throw yourself into any Lion's Den and hope that its past feeding time.” Was starting to hear my Father in my own voice. His way of trying to convince me of my recklessness without directly telling me I was an idiot. That with some polish I could be everything that he wanted me to be. “Sorry. My ranting isn’t helping. You’ve probably got the third degree from doctors and nurses already. Tell me what you need to. I’ll shut up.”

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Re: [Private] Room 317, Day 2 - Kai

Michelle Hawke | Human; Citizen

Posted on Thu Oct 26, 2017 12:30 am

Learn to be a piece of shit. Learn to make people hate you. Learn not to be that person that has friends running to the hospital to see you. But it’s not that easy, is it? I didn’t know why these people wanted to be around me. Not false modesty here. I don’t see Caly or Vin as “lower” than Kai, but I’m just saying I’m sure I’m fun for them. Was. Because we’re in the same kind of circle. A lot in common. Kai was an actual… It’s like in a movie when a famous person falls in love with a waitress. I did what I could to keep a stone face. Glad he wasn’t directly looking at me, I doubted he could see my watery eyes through his fingers but I didn’t let the tears leave the dam.

What a hard fight this was in my head, and the lingering effects of a liquid narcotic flowing in my bloodstream wasn’t helping. I suppose I wanted protected - in a way. But by myself and no one else. Was that it? I didn’t deserve to have someone like Kai in my life, whether he was a friend or.. I don’t even know. But at the same time, for fucks’ sake I didn’t want to be handled with kid gloves. It was kind of the point. I was running away from the claws and the gloves. The puppy reference should have been cute. The video game reference, too. Only one life and all that bullshit. But it only served to make me feel more childlike. Yet I still smiled when he joined me on the bed. Nothing changed how alone I always felt.

I’m not… I’m not suicidal, and this isn’t some adrenaline rush. This is something beyond a compulsion, Kai. I don’t feel like I even decide to do it. You remember, what I told you, right? I’d had a way to describe it, finally, to myself. But it took me so long to realize. I didn’t know if anyone else would understand it. It’s a truth. It took me forever to get it ,but it’s something I know. I’m not meant to exist. I wasn’t supposed to make it into this world. I’d even said it to Vincent - “Do you know what it means to me? What death means to someone who was never meant to exist?” But I would never know if he actually understood.

As hard as this conversation was for me, as much as I was beginning to feel like my heart was going to claw its way through my chest, it should have been easy to avoid eye contact with him. But instead, I couldn’t tear my gaze away. There was this hope that I kept trying to shove down but it was implanted in the back of my head - Could he fix me? No, and it wasn’t his fucking job. If only it was in me. To really shove away. But, no, and it wasn’t even that I was such a nice person. I was fucking selfish. Clearly, I didn’t want anyone to really leave. I didn’t want to die alone.

I don’t know dude, I sound fucking crazy, right? Death feels like home. I sound like a fucking depressed tumblr addict. Could I go back to start? Let him believe I was normal and we could joke and laugh and maybe he’d get me a milkshake from downstairs before leaving and going back to his business. I was already emotionally tired. I was embarrassed because that’s what I felt like. An attention starved fifteen year old who posted black and white pictures of pills and self mutilation scars. I want to be selfish. I don't want to push you away, but um.. I don't know. If I act like an idiot, tell me to fuck off, alright?

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