setting
Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

Current Time in Index, Washington:
rules
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 [Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters - Page 2

[Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters

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Re: [Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Wed May 10, 2017 10:06 pm

I nodded at Luxx's statement even though I wasn't even really sure what "drunk snow baseball" was. I hadn't really been referring to playing sports as much as watching organized sports. Most people liked playing a game with their friends, but the culture of football watching, for example, wasn't for everyone. I just meant that I figured you weren't really into watching. I don't play loads of sports either but I like to watch. The conversation was pointless anyway, I'd just been trying to explain why the bar didn't have any music playing at the moment and it somehow led to a trivial conversation which probably had nothing to do with why Luxx had come into the bar.

I shifted uncomfortably at her toast. When we'd realized what happened, Onyx had apologized to me. Now Luxx was congratulating me. And me? I didn't know what to think. I never aspired to be a spiritual leader, obviously. I couldn't lie either - I was so afraid. Overwhelmed, too, by the prospect of trying to lead the Reprisal pack in any sense. No doubt they needed the leadership, too. The pack was struggling and in need of someone to help them, but I had no idea how to be that person. Onyx had said that he would help me, but he wasn't a spiritual leader himself. It seemed like he spent every moment with the very wolves I was trying to avoid anyway. Thanks... I said in response to her congratulations, unsure of how to explain my absence from the pack.

Yeah, it's just... I trailed off again. I knew that avoiding the pack wasn't the right thing to do. I mean, hadn't I been the one to tell Onyx to get the pack to help him when he'd told me he was carrying some huge secret alone? There was a difference between me knowing that I was a hypocrite and telling Luxx that I was a hypocrite. She wasn't even pack, and she only knew because she'd been wasted at the same party where I'd been. Why did I feel like I owed her an explanation? I didn't.

I've kinda been doing my own thing lately, I guess. I finished, finally. Watching the races I said, gesturing towards where some NASCAR highlights were being shown. I shrugged, playing it off. Like I said, I didn't owe Luxx any explanations.

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Re: [Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters

Lilith Alysbury | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Sun May 14, 2017 8:31 am

Not getting pissed off was hard. I’d made an art of getting shitty at the smallest things. Rolling a snowflake, into a snowball and then into a fucking avalanche. Anything to make Lone Wolves look unstable, aggressive and all kinds of fucky. Do something for long enough and it becomes part of your own personality. Had all been pretty easy for me anyway, I’d never really been a breath of fresh air since becoming a wolf. Looking back on my human self was not a comparison I’d ever been willing to make either. My teeth were clenching so hard I was beginning to get worried that I might crack one. Doing her own thing. Watching the fucking races. Fuck my life when given ammunition. Real live rounds to shoot. It was impossible for me to watch my mouth. It came out before I managed to dial myself back. Couldn’t help myself. Word vomit. “What? What the actual fuck?” She couldn’t be actually serious right? This had to be a joke. She had been granted an honor by the Ancestors and she was in a fucking sports bar watching other people have fun. “The Ancestors chose you and you’re….” I trembled a little with the fury. I may have never wanted to become Dominions Spiritual Leader. Hadn’t even known that had been his fucked up intention but it didn’t mean I didn’t see the rank as being a beautiful thing.

Closing my eyes I took several deep breaths in an effort to calm myself. I didn’t fly off the handle when around other Spiritual Leaders but then again a change of eyes was only the first step. I knew that all too well. It had taken me years to accept the fact when Dominion had granted me Warlord status I hadn’t deserved it. Now technically the Ancestors wouldn’t have okayed the whole deal if I hadn’t meant to receive the rank but there was a difference between having the rank and actually being a Warlord. I’d spent every waking moment transforming myself into a warrior. So that no-one could turn around and say I shouldn’t have yellow eyes. Owed it to the pack, owed it to myself and owed it to every other female wolf who had been told she couldn’t have it just because she had the wrong equipment between her legs. Putting down my glass before I smashed it into Olympia’s face I opened my eyes and stared into hers. She may not be my Spiritual Leader but that had never mattered to me. Though I hadn’t had the chance to get really close to many others they had always warranted more respect from me than any other wolf. What was with Pacific Spiritual Leaders though? Fucking useless.

“Why?” She obviously didn’t owe me an explanation but I was asking for one anyway. The question came out harshly so I sighed deeply, rolling my shoulders around to try and release the tension that had settled in. Was this what happened when I didn’t release anger? It manifested in stiff muscles and a desire to scream so fucking loud that I was sure the cops would be called, and probably the mental ward at the hospital. “What the fuck are you thinking I…” Then I stopped. Dominion had never forced Warlord upon me. He’d offered. I had been happy as fuck about it. Accepted. So it had gone ahead. Finding out about his fucked plan to make me his first had filled me with disgust for a hundred different reasons. While the big one, the massive elephant in that particular room, wasn’t applicable here. All the others might be. “Look. I know I’m the least likely person you want to talk to about this but maybe the fact I’m not part of this new pack might make it easier. You don’t have to pretend with me. You have no obligations to me but…” Holy shit this was awkward. “…I have a duty to you.”

“I’m not going to say that I know why you’re in here watching the fucking races instead of being who you are now but I’d like to know why because while I’m not part of the pack I do have an invested interest in it.”
The interest wasn’t entirely honourable. Had to be honest with myself. Yet I still held onto that lingering thought that this was the last hope for many of these wolves. Many of them I actually liked. “Once upon a time my Pack Master duped me into beginning Spiritual Leader training as a set-up for making me his blue eyed Princess, so I know a thing or two about having a weight lowered on your shoulders you never asked for.”

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Re: [Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Sun May 21, 2017 9:02 pm

I had been drunk enough not to feel Luxx's anger, but I could hear it in her voice. So sudden, so intense. I kept my face impassive, trying to let her words slide right by me. Maybe she was angry with me for how I acted after I was "blessed" with being chosen by the ancestors, but, fuck it, I was angry with the ancestors for choosing me.

A part of me was a little surprised by the intensity of her response. It was a complete change from how she'd behaved earlier, and again, she wasn't even a member of the pack. I didn't owe her anything - no explanations, no spiritual leadership, nothing. What gave her the right to follow me into a bar and act like I'd betrayed her? Why? I choked out a dry laugh, That's what I'm wondering too. At this point I'm more likely to do harm than good. I'm doing the pack a favor by leaving them alone.

I looked at Luxx again, mystified. How is it that I don't have to pretend with you, again? Is it before or after you act super angry and judgmental? I thought it but didn't say it out loud. Maybe I hadn't cared about picking fights before, but now I wanted to stay out of trouble completely. As frustrated as I was with Luxx and the way she acted so entitled and condescending, I didn't want to draw attention to myself by making a scene with Onyx's "friend" or whoever she was. Whatever plan she had, if it included following me and making strange assumptions then I wanted no part.

That's the thing. You really don't have any duty to me, and I don't have any to you. To them maybe, but what gives you the right to come in here all self-righteous and question me? I wasn't sure why I was even still talking to her. I might as well go back to my "date", drink a little, and forget all about the blonde who was staring me down.

Her last statement piqued my interest, unfortunately. I wasn't sure if she would still want to help me after I'd made the scene that I'd been avoiding, but I looked at her curiously, You know about being a spiritual leader? My demeanor had changed completely. As annoyed with Luxx as I was, if she could be an asset to me I didn't want to turn her down. As much as I'd avoided the pack, I wanted to be a good spiritual leader for them, I just didn't know how.

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Re: [Private] A Bridge over Raging Waters

Lilith Alysbury | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted Yesterday at 3:22 am

This was fucked. Actually reminded me of talking to Onyx. Which made it even fuckier because she was now his first. It was just this unwarranted feeling of being useless. Sure she was acting like a fucking piece of shit right now but she didn’t need to be. She was doing this to herself. Just like I didn’t understand why Onyx felt like no one loved him and all that self-deprecating shit when it was clear to me that both of them had endless supplies of the shit right now. They were practically the Mother and Father of an entire pack. How was that not enough for them? “You think that being there and showing them that this is happening. That this new pack is forming. By showing them it already has a Spiritual Leader is going to do harm?” What fucking planet was she hailing from right now? Certainly not one that orbited in this solar system. Or even in this plane of existence. Why in the serious fuck where all these Pacific wolves utterly fucking…emo? The answer to my own question punched me in the face. Odin. Their traitorous Pack Master had done this to them. Would be nothing worse than to see what should have been the pure will of their pack be revealed as a Fanger loving dick. Probably spent every waking day wondering if he’d tainted them before he’d died. Those black intentions filtering down through their connection to him. Could that be a thing? Wait. If it was then…shit. Maybe it was possible. Dominion had become all billion kinds of insane before I had left the pack. No. Excuses. Just excuses. Always trying to give myself some for being a crappy person.

I fidgeted when she slammed something I knew was ripe for mockery. “Pretending for anyone means you give a shit. I’m not under the impression you give a fuck about how I feel about you. Normally I would tag on, because I’m a Lone, onto that statement but recently it has come to my attention that I’m unnecessarily bitchy most of the time. So I’m aware you just dislike me.” Even with that realization. Shoved into my face by the Ancestors via Onyx transport, it didn’t help me fully change that fact. Be someone long enough and it becomes automatic. Yet another excuse but whatever it was the only one I had for the fact that I couldn’t stop being a lying conniving asshole. “Yes you’re a hundred percent on the mark you have no duty to me and have no reason to give me any explanations.” Self-righteous? Fuck I still didn’t get that insult. The one that was usually paired with shit about thinking I was a martyr. Probably because I had completely dropped the ‘I’m doing you a favor by making you hate Lones’ train of thought. Now knowing that my adoption of that gift to Wolves had pissed the Ancestors off something wicked. I had acted like I thought I was a disciple of fucked bullshit. Still probably did. Who the fuck knew I was done analyzing myself. Just led to terrible dark places. “but you’re wrong about me not having a duty to you. Just like Onyx is not my Alpha, you aren’t my Spiritual Leader…that’s true.” This wasn’t even the same thing. Prophecy had told me to protect Onyx like he was my Alpha. No contract was binding me to Olympia. I was the one who decided she had my loyalty. Which came from a less fucked place than my dedication to Onyx. “However….gah this is so hard to explain.” Fidgetting again. Fuck me.

“I….I don’t really know who I am.” That was so fucked up to say allowed. Saying it felt like it made it real. That I was indeed lost. My only compass to what the fuck I was meant to be doing being the Ancestors. I’d felt literally purposeless as a human. Left wondering what the point of living was when it didn’t matter if I sent out love and light into the world, all I got back was….terrible. It's funny that it hadn’t stopped me from trying. Constantly beating my head against a brick wall up until Dominion had turned me. After I had participated in a special ritual with him and Sona. Dominion said it was because he had been given a prophecy about me. It had been the start of a life-long love affair with the Ancestors. “Spiritual Leaders can…I don’t know what you would call it. See me? Know me? They don’t even tell me what they see but from what I gather its good but its also bad?” This was so not going well. “I’m not saying I need you. Like I’m going to use you to know who I am. None of them have ever told me and I don’t think I want to know anymore.” It actually terrified me a little. A fear right up there with enclosed spaces, white mice and that shadow woman from the forest. “The fact that you’re one of the few who can know who I am. Fills me with…comfort. At least someone does yanno? My respect for you is like…my version of a thanks?” Was the first time I’d ever had to explain this. Vega, the Sequoias Spiritual Leader hadn’t needed an introduction. She had welcomed me in and connected with me. Seen for herself without me having to speak about it in the broken retarded way I was doing now.

Should have felt pissed that as soon as I offered her something her mood changed. Then again that would be horrendously hypocritical of me. Not that it would have stopped me with anyone else I imagined. “I know parts. I didn’t know what my Pack Masters intentions were so while I was meant to take a super crash course in everything, I just learned about what I was interested in.” Being a Spiritual Leader was such an intricate task. Alpha had its burdens for sure but there was so much more to learn when blue eyes were the concern. The things she could do. Blew my mind. At times I often felt regretful about turning down my chance for that level of connection with the Ancestors. Then I’d remind myself how I had meant to get that rank and it was all washed away in a torrent of disgust and rage. “Which might prove to be a good base to start from. Connections with the Ancestors. You’re a walking tuning fork now but while you’re hard lined the rest of us aren’t. You can be that wire that joins us with them.” I gestured upwards to the ceiling. “I also know everything there is to know about Prophecy. Everything. Hundreds of rituals from all over.” I myself was a walking encyclopedia about that aspect.

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