Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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 [Private] The Demented Undead - Page 2

[Private] The Demented Undead

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Re: [Private] The Demented Undead

Lilith Alysbury | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Tue May 16, 2017 6:34 am

“Lils.” I corrected. Though without the snarl that probably would have normally came as its pair. Humans believed anger to be a negative emotion. Those that displayed it too often or couldn’t control their outbursts were seen to have issues. Railroaded into buying self-help books and sitting in on classes to fucking fix themselves. Rage was valued differently amongst most wolves I had met. It put fuel in our tanks on the battlefield. Was a display of raw primal power and brought us closer to the wolf. To me it was also another hood to hide behind. It washed my soul clean far better than any dunking in holy water ever could. What fury I had left was reserved for only those that deserved it. The vengeful kind directed towards the Fangers and the other to only wolves. Leaving a small amount for myself. To keep myself alive for a few more days.

Lacing my fingers together I peered down wondering how the hand position had any significance. A line in the bible stating this is what you have to do in order to speak to God. To ask him to watch over another. Too many rules. The Ancestors didn’t dictate to us how we chose to speak to them. Each pack had its own rituals and ceremonies. No right or wrong way. If only that extended to their prophecies. Fuck, how beautiful it would be if my interpretation was enough. “Do that then. I’ll need all the help I can get.” Though I hadn’t rightly helped myself. I could have made preparations but I hadn’t. Once again leaving my fate in the hands of another who had no reason to grant me safe passage to the other side. Not even knowing that’s essentially what I was asking for. A safety net.

“Yes. I’ve changed my mind.” Unhinging my fingers I rested them in my lap. “Not for the right reasons. I was given endless signs of those long ago.” Camille and Jonah threatening me. Losing my mind and going on a blood rampage that resulted in the murder of an injured wolf. Nightmares. Daymares. My body disintegrating before my eyes. Couldn’t even give that bag bitch, Portia all the credit. As I had been driving back into Index I had realized that I was a coward. That I had been literally ready to shrug my shoulders at the fact Onyx showed more strength than I did. “The Alpha is tormented and yet he still fights but I was ready to give up. Accept that he was stronger than me. Refuse to detox because it was easier to avoid it. Make excuses for myself. Telling myself that staying on the blood was keeping my Mother alive, that I could protect my divine charge with the extra boost.” Added divine charge in there for his benefit. When in a church talking to a Priest have to adopt the lingo right? “I’m going to die. It’s inevitable but I’m not going to die a fucking coward.” I was so adamant that this had to be done. Too many reasons to go through with it. All of which should have held the same weight. Now with all of them resting on my shoulders, I couldn’t deny it. Though the Ancestors had shown me my death I felt like it didn’t rightly matter how I died. Just that I did.

His voice could be hypnotic. Reminded me of how Spiritual Leaders spoke. A tone that made me even slow my breathing so that I didn’t miss a single word being said. Every single one important. “Not all wounds heal.” Placing a hand over my chest where the distressed flesh of my only remaining injury lay. Everything else had been given time to mend itself. Wolf regeneration still working just at a sluggish pace. I couldn’t stop clawing at myself, though the previous damage hadn’t really begun to heal either. Was surprised it hadn’t begun to fester. “You believe I truly want it.” Holy shit. Why did those words make me smile? I was actually grinning. Every single wolf looked at me like I had some kind of disease. Even those that I liked. That I considered to be friends. Actually thinking about everything else he said though, removed the happy expression almost immediately.

“I don’t deserve it though. I’ve done terrible fucking things and still think terrible thoughts.” Sometimes I thought I was two people. That the Fanger blood had literally torn me in two. That would be too good to be true. To look in the mirror and excuse away your own shitty side. “Did you ever watch cartoons as a kid? There's always an episode where some character has an attack of conscious and a little angel pops up on one shoulder and a devil on the other.” I hadn’t watched that much Television in my lifetime but I had as a child. With the sound turned off so that I didn’t wake my parents. “That’s me. That’s why the wolves won’t ever offer me forgiveness but if what you’re saying is true. The fact I seek it is enough.” It should feel strange to gain comfort from someone who didn’t even believe in the same higher power that I did. After visiting before I had come to adopt a very Pagan viewpoint. That because the Ancestors existed it didn’t mean that God didn’t either. Which meant the Supremacy's God that was related to that symbol Onyx had shown me could be real too. As sick as it was to consider them having a diety. Actually. Why hadn't I thought of this before? My eye's widened.

“The crucifix has significance to the church. Pack Symbols are the same for us. If you were to see one that was the same for Vampires on the body of someone else, what would be your first thought?”

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Re: [Private] The Demented Undead

Helios Tallon | Army of God; Chief

Posted on Fri May 19, 2017 10:40 pm

Lils... I echoed, but the title filled me with unease. I was not quite certain it was time for me to refer to her so casually. Admittedly, no time would be the right time. It never was. And yet... She had no clue that I had already kept her in my prayers every night since our first meeting. I could not find comfort in referring to her so casually, but I still spoke of her to God. Did it get more intimate than that? What a contradictory set of rules I had made for myself. I will. It was a promise, one I had already kept. She did not know, and did not need to know. Not now, anyway.

What had brought forth this ache in my chest for the voice on the other side? Was I desperately searching for a soul to save to make up for all of those that I could not protect? Or was the answer far more simple... We were the same, were we not? Both possessing an addiction to the blood of a vampire. The blood she sought was for her tongue, and the blood I sought was for my hands. There was little difference... Our addictions would likely kill us both.

I heard everything she was saying, and how sorrowful it was, the words she was speaking and the cadence of her voice. What must it be like to be alive, to live, to posses the instinct to survive, but to also endlessly punish yourself for it... Perhaps I knew the answer to that question, but it was too heartbreaking to admit. Why did she punish herself with such persistence? Her reasons would undoubtedly differ from my own, and I craved the answers not out of any sense of curiosity, but out of a desperate need to eliminate them. Why do you believe your reasons are not right? Nothing she could say would convince me. Well I am glad, whatever your reasons, that you want to put an end to your addiction. I will do everything in my power to help you. Death was nothing to fear. When my time came, I would embrace it. This world was too cruel to miss.

She was right. Some wounds refused to heal. And it was never about fixing what was broken... Not when the only way to mend was to turn back time. It was about adapting, learning how to live with what you've done. I believe you truly want it. I confirmed. It pained me to imagine anyone having to question themselves. Especially when they truly believed death was around the corner. What she said next only caused that pain to grow. I did not believe it. I could not believe it. I would not believe it. I had done awful things. I had done terrible, unforgivable things. The blood that stained my hands was not the blood of the guilty, but the blood of the innocent. Did that mean I did not deserve redemption? When you think of someone you care for... And you imagine them doing terrible things, or thinking terrible thoughts... Would you believe they deserve redemption? The question was valid. She was not the exception, getting her to see that was not going to be easy.

Of course. I knew exactly what she meant, but I hardly saw that a reason to never offer forgiveness when a heart truly wanted and deserved it. Wanting it meant she did deserve it. Maybe it was just another detail about wolves that I would never understand. It is enough. I replied with conviction. When I thought of others, I meant it with every fiber of my being. When I thought of myself, that conviction came from a desire to convince myself it was true.

I took a moment before answer her question, inhaling and exhaling before opening my mouth. Speaking for my faith... Such symbols are worn willingly as a reminder. I suppose I would assume the same if I saw such a thing.

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Re: [Private] The Demented Undead

Lilith Alysbury | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Sun May 21, 2017 9:27 pm

Were my reasons not right? Being selfish was a bad thing was it not? Everyone had that shit drilled into their heads. I heard it yelled back into my face over and over again. It was Onyx’s favorite ammunition just as it was everyone else's. I was a liar because I was selfish. I was a terrible wolf because I was selfish. I didn’t deserve to exist because I was selfish. “Funny. When I think about it. It’s not. My reasons are selfish but when you have no one else but yourself then how can anyone expect you to think any differently?” I’d slipped into a black hole that had made me hate myself because of the fact I felt guilt over the fact I only ever thought of myself. That no matter how selfless I could twist an action or desire into looking, somewhere in there was a tinge of personal gain. I protected Onyx. Had to say after what he’d said to me and what I’d heard since he had returned my devotions weren’t necessarily misplaced. I did genuinely like the fucking dick even though he was that, a fucking asshole. Yet I knew, I was literally only at his side because the Ancestors had told me I had to be. “I’m doing this purely for myself. When I should be doing it because my problem affects so many others. Puts their lives at risk. Fuck it. I’m selfish. Nothing wrong with that.” For once the wound on my chest didn’t throb.

“Do you really mean that? Everything in your power?” Asking for help was something I never did. Never ever. It was the epitome of being weak as far as I was concerned and at no point did I want a single wolf thinking that I was a doormat. I would barter for what I needed that I couldn’t rightly take for myself. Accepting help? Asking for it outrightly? Without giving anything in return? Fuck that. Giving anyone a glimmer of a chink in my armor to take advantage of just left me wide open. Was so not under a misconception that anyone would resist the urge to get a crowbar and wrench my shell open to eat the soft squishies underneath. “Can’t say something like that and not back it up Father Tallon and this isn’t going to be as easy as organizing a bake sale.” Churches did that shit right? I vaguely remembered baking with my Grandmother to provide one with delectable tid bits. Though I’d just been licking spoons and making a fucking mess. Some things never change. “For starters, I need a place to hide. I don’t even have a real home right now, so that’s issue number one.” Even if I had a residence that I could call my own, it wasn’t like it would be outfitted for a Fanger detoxing session. Come to think of it One Shot did have a basement that would have been perfect. Not that it would help me right now. Not a single wolf needed to witness this shit. “That place is going to need to be reinforced. I’m a wolf. This is going to hurt.” Understatement of the century. “Obviously I’m going to try and fight. Though I guess you don’t have to worry about me shifting. Right now I can’t, it’s too painful. I black out when I try.”

Hearing those words again brought the smile back. It was a horrible thing. To feel hope. When the end was so near. Thinking that maybe I could really find redemption if I could gain it so easily from a human Priest who didn’t know a thing about me. Maybe that was the trick. He was a Priest this was his occupation and he didn’t know who I was. What being a Wolf really meant. How my pack upbringings, the things I had seen and done influenced what being a Wolf meant to me. Yet again, like fucking everything, a tangled thicket of good and bad. All merged and linked together. Poisonous barbed vines wrapped about perfectly blooming flowers. Thinking about anyone I cared for was a hefty box of worms. I tried to not think about anyone in particular. Knowing the answer to his question would be the same regardless of who came to mind. “That’s the hitch though. You have to care. They don’t care about me. And you, well this is your job isn’t it?” To pretend to care about the person on the other side of the box. Play that game to make it true. Knew how to participate in that fuckery. “Of course I forgive them for their bullshit. All rolls back to being my fault most of the damn time anyway.” Had forgiven Onyx for bailing because it had been my fault he had. Being an idiot and trying to gain his trust when it was fucking impossible. Never shied away from a challenge but fuck, everyone had the point where beating their head against a brick wall gave them a headache they couldn’t be bothered with.

A reminder. Worn willingly. Shouldn't even be bothering thinking about this. Not like I had time to do anything with the information. It would just cloud my head about the decision to try and join the pack. Didn’t want to go back on my promise to Nebula but this sounded fucking ominous. “Are we talking a reminder like…how Nazis tattoo swastikas on their bodies or a Father getting the image of a dead child to remember them?” Either way when I looked at it, it was sick. Pointed to one thought that I didn’t want to think about. That Onyx was a fucking traitor. Just like the Pack Master before him. Just like Orion. Just like me. Images of him taking in Fanger blood filtered through my head. None of that felt like the acceptance of a willing party but then that whole deal had been fucked up. All I had decided that was a hundred per cent real is what I had felt. Not necessarily what I had seen. No person would really want to believe or could believe that what I’d witnessed had actually happened. Symbolism just like that fucking symbol itself. The Ancestors liked to play fucking charades. Pictionary on steroids. “If I could draw the symbol do you think you might know what it means?” I knew basics but obviously, there was a story behind it. Like there was with the crucifix. The half moon with claw marks on the base of my neck. “It represents the Vampires God.” I spat the words out like they tasted like sour milk.

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