Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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 [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean - Page 4

[Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Thu Mar 30, 2017 6:49 pm

Yes, I am. News flash Olympia, anger is a fucking feeling. I knew exactly why it was that I'd given her so many chances, why I'd sought her out, why I tried to have conversations with her. But none of it fucking mattered. It was the same reason I'd done the same with the others, and what had that earned me other than slashed tires, busted windows, and a bloody fucking lip? Olympia was no different, whatever little respect she had for herself just meant she wasn't going far enough to damage my property or blatantly spit at my feet when I passed by like the others. But she didn't need to, every word out of her mouth was practically the same fucking thing. And I was a damned fool, the fucking punching bag that couldn't quit.

Tonight was different, or at least I was fucking trying. I talked over her, not that she even heard a word I'd said. I cringed as the word ''friends'' filled the space between us. Is that what I fucking wanted? Is that what she thought I wanted? I didn't even know the answers to those fucking questions. We have plenty in common, what the fuck is wrong with you? It's fucking obvious, why the hell else would every goddamned conversation we have end like this? Being argumentative was hardly something anyone wanted to admit they had in common with others, but fuck, it was still something in common. Not to mention we were both fucking survivors, the only two wolves with enough balls to stay when everyone else was murdered, collared, or ran. Maybe I was an even bigger fool for thinking that fucking meant something, for thinking that it mattered.

You're fucking impossible! I didn't say I didn't like it, I said I fucking appreciated that part of you! For fucks sake. Can't you fucking see that calling someone a piece of shit has two completely different meanings, when you actually believe that person is a piece of shit it's not just a snarky personality trait anymore, it's fucking personal! The example I'd given was simple, but something told me it didn't matter, she wouldn't get it no matter how simply I put it. Logan passed by and I took the opportunity while I had it, Hey Logan, you're a piece of shit. He smiled, You're an ugly son of a bitch. He replied, but kept moving, disappearing into the darkness behind me. See the difference? Again, why the hell was I wasting my breath? I don't want or expect you to fucking change, all I wanted to do was change whatever fucked perception you have on me based on the what? Three, ten minute conversations we've had in the past? Based on gossip? You've hardly had any fucking time to form a legitimate idea about how you fucking feel about me, but it doesn't matter, does it? You're too fucking stubborn to even give me a goddamned chance because as far as you're concerned, your mind is made up and you're not changin' it.

I glared at the fire, afraid if I looked at her I'd shift and lose my shit. My glare came and went as she went off again. Most of my mixed feelings were centered around her feeling used by me in particular. I hadn't even considered that, and I was torn between feeling guilty, and feeling like it was a blatant lie. How could she complain about no one including her, no one telling her anything in one breath, but bitch when she finally is included, when she finally is let into the inner circle in the next? It didn't make any fucking sense. And even if by some fucking miracle she was right, and I had used her, what the fuck did she want? A lollipop as a reward for being involved? None of it made any fucking sense to me, and I went right back to glaring at the fire, completely fucking pissed because it was in that moment when I realized I had been right. She was talkin' out her ass, arguing with me not because she believed the contradictions she was spewing out of her mouth, but because she fucking hated me. It was a waste of energy, on her part, and on mine.

That moment of guilt, that moment when I felt like I understood where she was coming from disappeared when I came to that simple conclusion, that she didn't care about anything she was saying. That contradictions didn't matter, if she had a way to try and make me look like a jackass or a piece of shit, she didn't care, she was going to take it simply because she hated me for some mysterious reason. Logic and reason went out the window, and my anger grew. If she wanted to have some half cocked argument for the sake of arguing, then fine, that's exactly what she'd get.

When I looked up, she had her back turned to me, and I gripped her shoulders, spinning her around to face me If you want to know shit, fine, I'll fucking tell- My voice stopped and I froze. My bright white eyes flickered out as I stared into her bright blues. My grip on her shoulders slowly loosened, and anything we'd been arguing about instantly felt like a lifetime ago. My arms fell to my sides as I took a step back, jaw dropped and tension in my brows. I'm... A pained expression came over me as I looked at her. I'm sorry. I finally blurted out in the most genuine and painful tone, but it had nothing to do with what we'd been arguing about, and everything to do with what she'd just become.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:50 pm

I was formulating so many retorts in my mind. No matter how futile our shitty endless circular argument was, I couldn't let him win because I just knew I was right. Every single little thing he said I was ready to argue back. Even when a tiny little voice in my mind was suggesting that maybe we were having to different arguments. So many things were racing through my mind so quickly.

All of those things stopped when I saw my eyes. Onyx's voice faded away until the only thing I heard was the sound of my own blood, pumping through my veins. I stayed that way, frozen, until Onyx snapped me out of my reverie. The sight of my own blue eyes was replaced by his white ones, but I wasn't really looking at him.

I forced myself to focus on him when I heard him speak. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I'd thought maybe I was mistaken. My eyes were blue in human form after all, maybe it'd just looked like they were glowing, but his statement just confirmed it. After all, why else would he be apologizing?

My next thought was that maybe this was a dream. Why my own mind would try to torture me in this twisted way was beyond me, but at least I could escape whatever had just happened. I mean, blue eyes meant- they meant that I was... the spiritual leader?

Onyx... I choked out, This must be some kind of mistake? I mean, aren't the ancestors supposed to pick or something? No one would ever pick me as... this. My voice sounded pleading to my own ears.

My knees felt weak, I think... I need to sit down? It came out almost like a question, but I slowly sank to the ground anyway until I was sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, staring at Onyx's legs. I looked up at him, a question in my eyes, What am I supposed to do?

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:51 pm

People underestimated the amount of things that could happen in a single moment. Like now, as the noise of everyone and everything around us went quiet and the world around us froze. Everything just got darker. Not even the raging fire could penetrate through it. Somehow everything we had just been talking about didn't matter to me anymore. Irrelevance of the highest degree. And I could feel it, I could practically hear it through the muffled voices of people talking and drinking, the ancestors were fucking laughing.

My luck definitely wasn't sending my ass to the casino, or to the gas station to pick up lottery tickets. Fate was a dirty pile of dirt and shit, and my face had been rubbed in its lies too many times to expect my luck would change. You're an alpha, Onyx. You can change things. You can make your pack better. Maybe it wasn't word for word, but I'd heard it enough to know that everyone was a dirty fucking liar. This moment here and now proved it. The one spiritual leader I had chosen was taken away before she could even be one. If that was the kind of change I had control over, I wanted nothing to do with it.

And now Olympia... Of all the wolves in all the world, I could only think of one that would have been an even less fitting choice. They chose the one wolf I was choosing to try to make an effort with, and turned her into the one thing I could never love and accept. Why? To force her to accept me? To reverse our roles so she could open up to the idea that I wasn't the kind of person she thought I was? So I could turn around and hate her just as much as she hated me? It was just the tip of the iceberg. Below the surface was a stone cold behemoth of disorder I couldn't even begin to understand.

I think... They just did... I finally mumbled out, staring down at her as if I was staring through her, straight to the ground beneath her. When she sank to the ground, the look on my face remained, I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath. I exhaled, dropping myself to the ground beside her with my arms propped over my knees, and hands loosely holding one another in front of me. My eyes stared out ahead, and it was a funny thing. Thinking you know how you're going to react, assuming because you've reacted the same time and time again, that this time would be no different. I took myself by surprise, honestly. Genuine was a trait I possessed, but not one I could ever predict to come out of me. I'll help you. I said quietly, a half whisper meant for her ears, and her ears alone.

Was I a fucking wreck? Hell yeah I was. I was a broken, piece of shit that had to try to be a good person because it just didn't come natural enough to me otherwise. I hated Olympia, I hated her with every ounce of my being simply for becoming what she just became. But... How the fuck could I not relate? I knew all too well how easy it was to hate when you were thrust into a position you weren't meant for. She couldn't be like me. I wouldn't let her be like me. There wasn't enough room in this pack for two leaders to be consumed by so much fucking relentless hatred. And that's why I meant it when I said I'd help her. She deserved the offer I never had. After all of our disagreeable conversations, I knew she deserved a chance to take her situation and make it better, not worse like I had.

I'm sorry. I said again, overcome by guilt the more and more I thought about what this meant for me, because it meant a hell of a lot more for her, and then some. Did you know? This was coming I mean... Did you have any idea or... Did it just... happen? I asked, finally looking over to see her face.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:53 pm

The text between the dividers represents flashbacks

I watched Onyx lower himself to my level as my mind raced, or tried to. Maybe the alcohol was making it more difficult for me to think, or maybe it was the sheer impossibility of it, but all I could think over and over was, "I'm the spiritual leader now." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear my mind or find another thought that I could hold on to beyond this one.

Olympia, a voice said from behind me. I turned and found myself face to face with a woman with silvery hair, completely at odds with her smooth face. She seemed almost ageless to me. I'd been told that she was the spiritual leader, but it was just days after I was turned and I hardly understood what that meant. Even the name was foreign to me. I'd been told that I was a member of a Wyoming faction of the Pacific pack, but that didn't mean much to me either.

I watched her with a guarded expression as she neared to me. She, in turned, watched me haughtily. I didn't like her from the moment I saw her. The way she looked at me told me that she had only contempt for me, but I couldn't figure out why. It hadn't been my choice to become a wolf. She had no right to dislike me just because I existed.

You don't belong here, she said coolly. I blinked, unable to hide my surprise at her frankness. You're not worthy of being a wolf, she continued, her gaze never leaving my face even as my eyes glared angrily to the side.

You don't even fucking know me, I practically growled as I said the words, my eyes finally snapped back to meet hers.

I'm the spiritual leader, I have a premonition that you'll be the same disappointment to this pack that you were to your family and that you are to yourself. With that, she sauntered off without a backwards glance.

A red-headed woman was holding my hand tightly, leaning so close that I could smell the scent of rot on her breath. The smell of death contrasted strongly with her normal appearance, but it wasn't the stench that stayed with me. It was her words, you will bring destruction. They rattled around in my head over and over again for weeks afterwards. I told myself that it was a sham. Mediums and spiritual leaders were all the same, using their status to cause doubt and chaos in my life, but I couldn't let it go.

Ghost's eyes caught mine from across the bar. There was something like pity in them, and it made me angry. Ghost had never been unkind to me, but I avoided her anyway. I didn't like the way she watched me like she knew me. Just because she was the spiritual leader didn't give her license to meddle in my business when spiritual leaders had brought nothing but problems. The one in Wyoming, the one before Ghost - what was her name? Ophiucus? she was a real pain in the ass, and now Ghost herself. She might have seemed different on the surface, but I could hardly believe she was any different than any of the others.

Olympia, she said. While I was lost in thought she'd managed to sneak up on me. What can I get for you? I said, keeping my flat gaze on the counter as I wiped it off.

I was hoping to talk to you- she began, but I cut her off. I don't have anything to say to the ancestors or whatever bullshit you're peddling, so if they have something to say to me you can tell them to fuck off, I said angrily. I tossed the cloth I'd been using to clean to the side and stalked into the backroom under the pretense that I needed something there.

A sudden feeling of nausea drew me back to the present. My eyes widened at Onyx's words. That isolated feeling faded away, and everything rushed back: the party, the crackling fire, even Onyx's eyes - looking away at first but then turning towards me. I coughed slightly, feeling embarrassed at my display of emotion in the midst of the party. It's not your fault, I said, after he said he was sorry for the second time.

I looked at him, considering his question, but there wasn't much to think about, I had no idea. I answered honestly. The truth is... I have no idea what I'm even supposed to do. Wolves were supposed to revere the spiritual leader or something. Any other wolf probably would've had a lot better idea what spiritual leaders even did. They probably would've already received some kind of prophecy from one. That was the standard, wasn't it? Wolves loved prophecy.

On the other hand... who else was there? The pack had been decimated. There was me and Onyx and that lone that had clearly been around the pack though I hardly knew her. Ozra? Was I expected to lead these wolves spiritually? I'd hardly been able to believe that the ancestors even existed, let alone try to communicate with them.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Mon Apr 17, 2017 4:41 pm

My apology was more than what it seemed. I had a mate now, but I'd been through this twice already. A huge chunk of her future had been decided for her in a matter of seconds, and that included who her first was. It had been decided for her. It was different with Ophiuchus and Ghost. They knew from a young age that they were destined to become Spiritual Leaders. They'd learned all they needed about what that meant, hell most potentials even looked forward to the role, and everything that came with it. Including being mated to the Alpha. But Olympia wasn't a potential. She wasn't a Spiritual Leader. This happened to her in mere moments. While I knew what to expect, while I'd all but accepted the hard truth... When it hit her, it would most likely hit her hard. Not only was she rank now, not only was more asked of her now, not only was she meant to devote more and more time to everyone except herself, but now she had a first, and if she wasn't careful, she could spiral.

In a way it is. I admitted. You're right. I do spend a lot of time complaining about shit. If I'd... Set up a perimeter... Not ignored the signs... If I could have prevented our losses, we'd still have a spiritual leader... One that was born to be one. One that was ready to be one. It was and it wasn't my fault. I had no control over the actions of others. I may have been given the title of alpha, but it wasn't about ordering people around, it was about giving and never receiving. I was supposed to provide safety, and I didn't.

I laughed ironically, but it morphed into a sigh as I reached for a nearby bottle. Well... I placed it beside her. You start with this, and worry about it after. I pointed to the bottle, then pulled myself to my feet. If you want me to stay, I can stay. And it's not your fault, but this night just got less... Carefree. So... Ima head out if you want some time alone... You have my number, and I'll do the best I can to salvage what we have on Spiritual Leaders for you.

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