setting
Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

Current Time in Index, Washington:
rules
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 [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean - Page 3

[Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Wed Mar 15, 2017 2:02 pm

I put a hand to my chest in mock offense, I mean, I wouldn't have much trouble putting a price on your personality - you'd have to pay me to buy it. I took a step back with my hands up in a placating gesture, I'm gonna pass on that... I fell silent when I realized that he wasn't listening. I gave him my best judgmental look and sipped my beer.

I rolled my eyes when he finally deigned to return to the conversation that he had abandoned mid-sentence. I was annoyed but not surprised, and honestly I was drunk enough that it didn't really matter much to me. I looked to where he had been looking but couldn't guess which of the many girls had attracted his attention, hot, I said in my best imitation of a dude's voice.

I rolled my eyes a second time at his response to my sarcastically calling him boss. Yeah, too bad I'll only say it when you're telling me to get drunk, I said. It irked me that he had ignored the fact that I said it sarcastically. We both knew that I hadn't meant it seriously, but he just wanted to patronize me.

I dunno, maybe if we could have a conversation without you getting distracted by some random tits I would be more open to it? Sure I didn't think that flowers or chocolate actually meant anything, but damn I had some self respect so yeah that pretty much mean fucking Onyx was off the table.

I put on my most thoughtful expression, It's hard to come up with a dare that hurts your dignity when you already have none... I said while pretending to think deeply. I dare you to... call me boss for the rest of the night, Now THAT would be sweet revenge.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:14 am

I grinned, arms crossed. I'm not exactly sure how... But your spicy 'tude is somehow far more fucking appreciated tonight. What else ya' got? I asked, flashing my eyes a bright white before letting them dim. It wasn't a lie either. Maybe it was the booze, yeah, definitely had to be the booze. I'd had enough to put an elephant into a coma, but I hadn't hit that sweet comatose bliss myself yet, oh but I fucking planned to. Fuck, I planned to with Olympia, how was that for fucked? Huh? Pass? Speaking of pass, where the fuck were my smokes?

Thanks, I work with what I got. I replied to her manly ''hot'' as I plopped a smoke between my lips and rolled my eyebrows into a little dance. My trajectory was changing. I could feel it. I could feel something. Too bad? For you? Or for me? Does it bother you that you're aimlessly insubordinate? I mean fuck, at this point I should be used to it, but if it actually bothers you too maybe it'd help me regain some faith in people in general. It's not like I bark orders and shit, can't even remember the last time I gave anyone an order. I bet I could tell your pretty head to duck from a flying bullet, and you'd probably let it land between your eyes just to spite me. Tell me I'm wrong. I smirked as I lit a cigarette, not even sure if I was trying to pick a fight, or still just playing around. Appreciation for her spicy 'tude was fading when I caught a tone in her voice. Or maybe it was just what she'd said. Something inside just told me that while I had been playin' around, she hadn't been. And it made sense, I couldn't determine if I was trying to pick a fight or just joking with her, because something inside me knew before my brain did.

I narrowed my eyes on her, smoke flooding out of my mouth and merging with the smoke from the fire. I'll make you a deal, wolf. I said before pulling a piece of tobacco off my tongue and flicking it to the ground. I'll call you boss when you grow up. When you know exactly what it takes to be one. And because I'll know my place, I'll do it without disdain or disrespect. But more importantly, as a boss, your victories will be short, they'll be small, gone in a blink of an eye. You'll face more problems and tragedy than you know how to deal with, but when one of those small windows open, when you hit one of your small victories that are so rare they feel colossal, I won't shit in your cornflakes. I'll let you have it. I won't even judge you for where your eyes wander. But none of this will really be a fucking problem, since I'm not like you to begin with.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Fri Mar 24, 2017 6:43 pm

I eyes widened in surprise at his comment, and when I had a chance to fully comprehend what he had said I returned his grin, Glad to know you're comin' 'round to it, I said with a chuckle. I finished off the beer in my hand and glanced around for the vodka I'd brought. What happened to that again? I'd left it somewhere around here... I kept looking for my lost booze for a moment before I remembered that it was several yards away, with the rest of my stuff. I sighed and cracked open another beer.

I had been lazily nursing my fresh can when Onyx's words took a sharp turn. The alcohol had numbed my gift almost completely at that point but it didn't take an empath to figure out that he was mad. And what was he whining about, this time? Insubordination, again. I didn't get Onyx's obsession with everyone constantly having to act like he was a king or somethin'. He'd completely missed my point altogether. You didn't have to call someone 'boss' to be subordinate. To me the term just sounded silly and was one that I never used seriously. I hadn't been irked at the prospect of having Onyx in a position of authority over me, although admittedly I wasn't a fan of that either. I was irked at the joy he took at me saying something so ridiculous. Sometimes I felt like Onyx just loved watching everyone else serve him at the cost of their own dignity.

I crossed my arms, body going from relaxed to tense in a matter of seconds, This is so typical. You always take everything so personal, yeesh. I said angrily, Just moments ago you said you enjoyed the sarcasm and now you're ranting about how I would die just to spite you? If you think that why'd  you drag me over here in the first place?  I tossed the still-full can of beer on the ground, ignoring the fact that some of it spilled onto my shoes and Onyx's.

I turned to walk away but Onyx wasn't stopping there. He had to take the dare that I'd meant as a joke too far too. I rolled my eyes and my shoulders simultaneously, trying to shake the aggravation that was building. The alcohol made my thoughts and emotions hazier. I had the vague sense that this party was thrown for some relation of Onyx's and that I didn't want to start a fight with the alpha here, but there was a part of me that felt that all this was a long time coming. Our interactions were always oscillating between hot and cold, and things were flipping to fast for my addled mind to handle, This has gone from joking and sass to you taking every opportunity to insult me. You have this strange idea in your head that I want to be a leader or that I want you to submit to me. If you think for one second that I don't want this pack, you included to succeed then your head is a lot farther up your ass than I thought. Do you really want me to call you boss? Is this the mafia? This is the very reason why I find it so hard to respect you. You're constantly sabotaging yourself when it comes to the pack. It's a constant cycle of you whining and complaining about how we don't like you. Well it's easy to see why I don't like you, and it's because we're here getting along one moment, and the next you're acting like a child. I was mad. I was also so so tired of this shit. I could hardly staunch the flow of words from my mouth. At this point it wasn't even about the pack, it was about me and Onyx and his constant need to cause problems for me and then wonder why I avoided him.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Sat Mar 25, 2017 5:49 pm

Did I take everything personal? That was a heavy fucking question, because to me, everything was personal. Somewhere deep inside I had to have known that conversations with wolves, especially conversations with Olympia weren't always saturated in accusatory undertones... I mean fuck, she didn't know the whole truth, so half of her comments that I perceived as personal attacks weren't actually personal fucking attacks. She could tell me I was a ragey mother fucker and I'd instantly retort as if she was accusing me of being possessed by a demon god. I guess that was how the subconscious of the guilty worked... Insecure wasn't a word I threw around, and using it to describe myself made me want to fly off the handle right here and now. How disgusting. Caring about whether my wolves saw me that way was even more disgusting. Why the fuck did I suddenly care so much?

Knowing my faults didn't change anything between us, however. She assumed I was angry at her disrespect because I was an alpha. Because I was her alpha. That was the assumption she jumped to, the conclusion she came to... And it couldn't be farther from the fucking truth. Maybe I worded shit wrong, I'd been known to say shit I didn't mean, and I'd definitely been known to use the wrong words in the heat of the moment. But the bottom line wasn't that I was angry with her disrespect as her alpha, I was, always had been, and always would be angry at her disrespect towards me as a fucking individual, as an equal. I couldn't fathom why the fuck she hated me so much. I wasn't full of rainbows and fucking butterflies all of the time, hell, most of the time I wasn't, but it wasn't like she was known to spew out glitter either. She could be just as fucking blunt and brutal as I could be, I'd fucking seen it. I guess that's what set apart those that could dish it and take it, and people like her, that could dish it, but sure as fuck couldn't take it.

It's because I can fucking see it. I don't need to be a genius to be intuitive. Every goddamned time we're together, shit can start out fine between us, and it has nothing to do with your damn ability, but you put out a fucking feeling. I know you don't respect me, I know you fucking hate me, and that is what makes all of the banter and sarcasm personal. Like your sarcastic comments are your fucking sneaky way of getting in insults without actually having to be the one to pick the fight. Then it makes it all too easy for you to turn around and say I take shit personal, because I don't hide my rage behind false words and tone tricks like you do. Because I'm not afraid to pick a fight, or finish one. To some extent, I even believed what I'd said. Enough to stand behind it confidently, anyway. As long as my words didn't linger too long, I wouldn't have to worry about how much of it I honestly believed, and how much I didn't.

What? Jesus fucking Christ... No, I don't fucking want you to call me ''boss''. That's not even what this is fucking about for fucks sake. And you're wrong, the only thing I have in my head about you in particular, is that you refuse to admit injustice when it specifically has to do with me.  And shit, that would be just fine, I don't need people pitying me or feeling fucking sorry for me, but when you blatantly disregard that injustice like ''I'm just being sensitive'' that's bullshit. You don't have to agree with what I fucking feel is an injustice, like wolves being disrespectful, or Odin being a betrayer, or the burden of an alpha, but don't fucking pass it off and say I'm just ''whining and complaining'' either, that's when you take shit too far. It'd be no different if someone came along and told you the pain you feel over what happened to our pack was wrong, and told you that you were a damned complainer because you're pissed at the fangers that caused it. That's fucked up Olympia, and you know it. I'm not a fucking complainer, and I haven't bitched about other wolves being disrespectful since what happened, since the massacre. Because that hardly matters anymore, we have bigger fucking problems. But don't worry, I won't burden your head with those details, I wouldn't want you to think I was complaining or acting like a child because you're too damn scared to admit the gravity and weight of the problems in your own goddamned pack.

My eyes were glowing bright white at this point, and I didn't give a fuck who saw. For the record, I will complain about whatever the fuck I want to complain about, because I can, because I'm not Odin, I'm not just going to bite my tongue and pretend everything is okay when it's clearly fucking broken. Because I'm a fucking alpha that believes my wolves are my fucking equals, and any opinions they may have to fix what's broken, fucking matter to me. But clearly, the only opinion you have in your head to fix what's broken, is that I need to shut the fuck up about it. So don't worry about it, I won't expect any valuable solutions from you, and you won't have to act like a valuable pack member with valuable thoughts or potential solutions. You can just sit in the corner and complain about complainers and complain about their complaints. Because that's clearly fucking useful. Far more useful than my ''whining'' isn't it?

Fuck, if we hadn't been through enough, I would have dished out a punishment right then and there. As much as she pissed me off, even I wasn't as fucking cold and soulless as she was, as far as I was concerned, she'd been through enough. Not that I'd admit that, since apparently, every single person on this planet was capable of carrying an unlimited load of burden and misery, and had no right to ''whine'' about it.

Fuck her.

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Re: [Private] Apologize if I Say Anything I don't Mean

Arden Rowe | Wolf; Spiritual Leader

Posted on Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:59 pm

There was a moment when I thought maybe, just maybe, I had crossed the line. I knew that if I was really honest with myself, Onyx hadn't been the cause of all our arguments. I'd acted like a child towards him before. I'd picked stupid fights with him before. I could see why he was constantly yelling at me for hating him. But that moment was just that: a moment. Whatever drunk reasoning I'd been experiencing where'd I'd been on the point of making some kind of embarassing apology faded into red when Onyx opened his mouth.

He'd picked this fight with me because of a fucking feeling. It wasn't any real legitimate thing I'd done. This was happening because Onyx was on his fucking man period. After all who was it that had approached me. I don't... I was so mad that I was struggling to finish a sentence. The alcohol was making it more difficult for me to articulate the pure rage that I felt. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. Are you seriously- are you seriously saying you're mad because you think I give you some kind of feeling?

I looked into the fire. My anger had triggered an adrenaline rush, and I felt hot and cold. I clenched my fists and unclenched them while my muscles tensed, readying for the fight Onyx was saying that I was afraid to start. I've picked fights with you before. But tonight was different, or I thought it was. It's true I don't like you. I don't know if you've noticed but we have different opinions. We like different things. We have nothing in common. Why would I like you? Not everyone in this world is destined to be friends, and you can't pretend like you're out there tryna be besties with everyone. But my snarkiness is just part of my personality. If you don't like it then don't come over here and be all buddy-buddy with me, yeah? I exhaled, glaring at him. My fists finally settled, remaining clenched. I was standing forward on my feet, like I was experiencing some kind of fight or flight response. I didn't know why I felt so on-edge.

I gaze had wandered back to the fire, it's dancing flames kept distracting my eyes even when my mind was racing. My thoughts were moving in that strange way they do when you're inebriated and you feel focused and yet you can't seem to reach a logical conclusion. Aside from the words that flowed from my mouth, I could hardly make a sensible thought except that I was really, really angry. At the sight of Onyx's glowing eyes, my wolf instincts were brought instantly forward, although I already felt that the wolf side of me was dancing just beyond reach, ready to pop out for the fight my body seemed to think was coming. I gave into those instincts just barely as I felt my eyes glowing in response to his, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I shouted, unable to contain myself.

I reigned myself in slightly, You don't know anything the fuck about that, and neither do I, because we've barely spoken since the massacre. I never said I wasn't afraid, in fact you can bet the hell I am. No one tells me ANYTHING. I do want to fix shit, but I don't expect to provide any solutions either. How can I? You act like I don't exist one moment, pretend that I'm a useful part of the pack the next, and then yell at me because I can't hide my emotions from you. You're right, I do have a bad feeling when I'm around you. It's a feeling like the pack's gone and the only time my pack master's spoken to me in months is to try and use me as some kind of pawn to get Ozra back and that didn't even work because I'm so goddamn angry and confused. You're lucky you had that lone, but I hardly know who the fuck she is either! So here it is: either tell me shit or don't, but if you aren't gonna tell me anything then don't talk to me at all.

I turned away from him. I had this feeling like I was in some kind of dream, the way I couldn't think straight and how my fists were shaking with rage and my leg muscles were so tense and blood was rushing were all combining into this one big overwhelming feeling. I crouched down, running my hands through my hair. I saw a flash of light in the puddle that had formed from the beer can I'd tossed down when it was still fill. I forced my eyes to focus on the reflection off the liquid and was shocked to see my own eyes gazing back at me, glowing bright blue.

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