Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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 [Private] The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You'd Never Forget - Page 3

[Private] The Hardest Part is Forgetting Those You Swore You'd Never Forget

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Michelle was having a fit, yep, that’s exactly what it was a FIT. F-I-T, fit. I observed her as she grabbed a bottle of gin out of the liquor cabinet trying my hardest not to let out a snicker. She took the largest sip a woman could possibly handle out of that gin, and I followed her deeper into the living area. Michelle, calm your ass down…OZZY is fine and that’s all that fucking matters, right? I arched an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side a bit. What’s her fucking deal anyways?

I stepped closer to her so we weren’t so far apart, the bottle of jack in one hand. Oh, so now that something incredibly dramatic was happening in my life you decided you were interested in my well-being again, oh no! But fucking before that you were off fucking some albino douche-bag with no eyebrows and you couldn’t care LESS about me. Just save me the fucking time and don’t even talk. I spat, giving her a disgusted look and bringing the bottle to my lips as I tipped my head back and drank from it.

Obviously I wasn’t going to text you back. All you’ve brought to my life is PROBLEMS. I wouldn’t be surprised if THIS - I pointed to myself, referring to the ‘wolf situation’. Happened to me because of something you caused. I honestly wouldn’t fucking be surprised. You’re a good damn parasite. I sputtered out without thinking, fuck that sounded way harsher than I wanted it to sound…there I go for not thinking. Fuck.

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Doesn’t sound like it… I’m not the one who’s trippin’ balls, I muttered. I took another swig, really wishing I hadn’t offered him the Jack. He really didn’t deserve Jack right now. I mean, shit, what am I saying? It’s not a fucking contest, but I was starting to think some shit had been planted in his head. Good God, jealous much? We weren’t even like.. a thing, then. And.. shit, Gabe and I weren’t a thing either. Not officially, anyway. You’ve always been my friend, dude, just because I don’t fucking.. run up to you and shove my tongue in your mouth doesn’t mean I don’t fucking care. But you know what? If you wanna keep it that way, then that’s fucking fine. We can do that.

I watched him with a scowl as he took another drink, shaking my head. I was biting my tongue so hard that it would probably start to bleed. And I mean literally. Breathing through my nose, I took another drink of gin before setting it on one of the end tables.

You know what? Get the FUCK out of my house, dude. You’re standing there drinking MY jack and telling ME that I’m a goddamn parasite? GET THE FUCK OUT! I snatched the bottle from him. Yes, you little shit, I decided, Hrmmm, I started pacing, and finally took a drink of what it really was that I wanted. Gio’s life doesn’t suck enough. Let’s uh.. Ima go find a fucking wolf, and give him some miserable fucking curse. Let’s just see what happens, shall we? God, I had to stop myself from throwing the bottle. Alright, well, everything is my fault, your life sucks because of me. God forbid you man the fuck up and just deal without blaming it on some ex-... Were we ever official? I mean, I know shit got real between us, but it was always so up and down and I never remember just being.. like cool. Some girl you fucked. So yeah. You need to leave.

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Were we ever a thing? In my head, I kind of do consider her an ex-girlfriend. Although our happy times lasted less than a month or two…but still. Friend? That’s literally all she thought we ever were? Oh come on, Michelle, that’s fucking bullshit. We were more than just fucking friends… I spat getting a little closer to her. Close is close enough. And I’m not jealous, by the way. I never was. I added wearing a disgusted look on my face.

I was taken aback when she snatched the bottle from my hand and insisted that I got the fuck out of her house…our house, or I guess it is hers now. Michelle, what the fuck…calm the hell down… I didn’t know what to say. She’s never spoken to me like this. We’ve gotten in a hell of a lot of arguments but I’ve never seen her react like this at least. I , for sure, have…and that would be plenty of times.

You know what? You wanna be real for a fucking second? Do you? I paused, waiting for a second, crossing my arms over my chest. Well, do you? I let my hands fall beside me again, stepping directly in front of her. You know what I was going to fucking do before I left. Before all this bullshit really sunk in…I was going to tell you… A lump developed in my throat, but I just swallowed it. I think telling her now would just make her feel like an idiot. I was going to tell you, that I loved you. That I always did. But that shit doesn’t matter now…and you never wanted to talk about how you felt and I can tell that’s what you’re actually mad about…not just me disappearing. You’re not over the past. I walked over towards the door and opened it, heightening the roar of the thunder and the splattering of the rain drops
I paused for a second and bit my lip before turning around and glancing at her. I never told you because I knew it was one sided…but now, I got nothing left to lose. Anyways, goodnight… I took one last look at her before stepping out and closing the door behind me. I guess I was being a bit of a pussy and didn’t want to hear what she said after that. Truth is, a lot of my feelings for her I tried to turn into hatred. I don’t know how I feel anymore, but damn I really did love her back then…

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Okay, yeah, he was right, we were more, but that wasn’t what I meant. I meant it was never specified that it was exclusive. Then again, maybe… maybe it was implied? Fuck, I was beginning to remember how shit we were with communication until it was too late. I started to laugh. Some things don’t change do they? We never talk about this shit until it’s too late. Until someone is pissed about a rule or boundary that never left our heads.

Not jealous though? You’re not jealous? But because my friend happened to have a dick you don’t have one fucking nice thing to say about him. Not cool, man. But still, who the hell was he to tell me to calm down? I couldn’t have answered his question. Weren’t we being as real as we could be, right now? I don’t think Gio and I could be real without yelling at each other like we’re on a fucking episode of cops. We might as well be standing in front of a trailer and one of us have some kind of weapon in our hands. Fuck, though, I forgot - Gio himself was a weapon now.

I froze. My brain froze, my muscles froze. My bones froze, everything except my stomach which was now twisting in knots. He was seriously going to throw that word into the mix? Really? What did he hope to accomplish? First I was a parasite then he loved me?

Don’t tell me how I feel. And that was the little bit that I got out. Out of the mountain of thoughts I was having, debating with myself, that was what I got out. What is it, then, I said, in a mix between a hush and a whisper. You love me? Or I’m a parasite? And wasn’t it convenient, I mean.. fuck I was going to wonder about this all night - did he mean that, or was it his way of avoiding what I’d said to him? I wasn’t even sure he’d heard the last bit I’d said. He was already on his way out the door and I’d been quiet, still dumbfounded. I took one more drink of Jack before setting it on the end table. At this point, I think I’d finally had enough that I was starting to feel it in my lips. Not that the realization was there at the time, but that pretty much meant the filter was dissolving.

And then I was moving, I don’t even remember wanting to move toward the door, I don’t remember thinking that I should stop him. I just went and opened the door.

You can’t drop that bomb, then leave. My words were ever so slightly slurred, but they were calm. Could it happen? Could he fucking sit on my couch and could we fucking speak normally? Like adults? But you can’t call me a fucking parasite, either.

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Maybe it was easier to talk about things once we had already lost them or when were at the brink of losing them. It’s easier than to accept the fact that you were rejected. I just nodded, my eyes fixed on the floor, I wasn’t sure what to fucking say to this girl. The thing about Michelle that pissed me off most was probably the fact that I could hate her one day and then the next minute I don’t want to be away from her…even if we’re fighting. It’s been that way since the beginning. It’s like she’s my fucking weakness, but I swear I’m not weak.

Dudee, it was obvious that you were fucking him. I wasn’t being jealous so don’t fucking assume shit and put words into my mouth. Don’t talk about shit that you know NOTHING about. I retorted shaking my head. I HATE to be called jealous, I’m not fucking jealous. I’m not. I knew that telling her the way I felt was going to fuck her up and now I did do it with some ulterior motives but at the same time, a part of me yearned to know what she would do…
Both. I managed to get the words out of my mouth, not sure what to say or do next. Not sure where to put my hands, not sure where to even look. I was out the door but I couldn’t really go anywhere after that, but then she opened the door…

Then what do you want from me? Then what can I do? I questioned, running a hand through my messy hair. I’m sick and tired of just going back and forth with this chick. What the fuck did she really want ? I’ve never understood you, Shells. You never know what you want. So tell me, what the fuck do you want from me?

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