[Private] Fixed Gaze

I frowned, trying to figure out why I couldn't imagine Donna married. It wasn't that she wasn't technically old enough - and Ant had gotten married at some fucked age of twenty-two or something like that, but - marriage. Yeah, I guess.. it just, I mean, uh... I dunno, married people just seem so fucking old. I said, and then shook my head, Uh, no, I don't mind.. I'm, uhh.. twenty-six. I managed to say after remembering. The years just flashed by so quickly that it felt that much time couldn't have really passed. Was I actually twenty-six? It was messed up.

I dunno, I know how I work, I mean, I just like what I like and that's it I guess, but.. it's the other people who try and figure out how I work or shit, that's what fucks shit up. Why do they even need to fucking know? I dunno.. it's.. My words drifted away and I nodded at the prospect of more shots.

Even out on the floor my mind was half on shots, wondering if it was too much effort to go back to the bar and order some more. Huh? No, I mean, I'm not tripping, I don't do drugs. I clarified, blatantly checking out the people around us. What was the point in hiding it? We were all there for the same reason. I smirked back to Donna, letting out a laugh while simultaneously placing a hand over the crotch of my jeans, trying not to imagine what she'd playfully threatened. Ouch. Don't even joke about that... And fuck, that's not what you'd be saying if I did turn you. Guess it's not working yet. I laughed a little more before looking back to her, just in case she got weird about it, But I mean, I'm fucking joking, you know that, yeah?

The dancing was fun, more than fun, being able to let loose and let go and just concentrate on the heavy beat of the music. I felt slightly disappointed that none of the guys around us particularly caught my eye yet but I had other things to think about until someone did. Seeing as Donna had got me up and dancing I felt the need to try and beat her in the competition I'd decided on in my head - to find her a woman who was so hot that I'd definitely won. Huh, I turned to Donna, squinting at her in the lighting and struggling to hear with the music. Uhh... what, do you like ugly girls or something? I looked from Donna to the obvious ten, shrugging my shoulders. Shit, if this wasn't a gay night I'd go for it but.. I don't want any lesbians cutting my dick off or shit. I watched the woman as she started to sashay away, momentarily mesmerized by the swing of her hips. How did women do that? Well, not just women because I'd seen some men manage it too, only to me personally it seemed weird rather than attractive when they did it. Hey, I tugged at Donna, realizing two things after my strange introspection, When you hit on her or shit.. if she doesn't go for it, can you find out if it's because she's straight? And tell me? I asked, slyly hopeful. It might meant I wouldn't win the competition by so far a margin but I could deal with that. Shit, she's going to the bar. We should... follow, you can try and catch her eye or whatever before someone else gets in there. And more shots! And jungle juice! Because fuck, I mean... what the fuck was even in that? I feel great. You should have some. You should get her some. I babbled, tugging on Donna's arm and moving in the direction of the bar.

It was a good night, or it had the potential to be. I might have had nowhere to stay but if the night went well I was sure I'd find somewhere, I had no technical job but I had money... things should have been good. And yet whatever I did, I couldn't get the frustration of being wrongly implicated out of my mind. I should have been having the time of my life, basking in the glances, the looks, the come-ons, accepting drink after free drink even though I could easily pay for them myself, but no - whatever I did, all I'd end up thinking of was a variety of colorful ways to kill Father Williams. I liked the image of gouging his eyeballs out, even if it was simply a fun daydream. I'd never do it. I wanted him to feel regret and to be able to see in his eyes that he knew how wrong he was. Thinking up ways to kill him might have been fun, but actually killing him would only ruin the fun. Still, a girl could dream....

The night might have been going better if the local club wasn't sporting a gay night. Don't get me wrong - I have nothing against them holding whatever nights they want to. It just made things more difficult for me. Men were so much easier to manipulate and usually had more money to throw around at you, or were more willing to throw their cash. Women not being so ready could have been due to the gender pay divide or.. it could have been that we didn't have a dick for our thoughts to get mistakenly channeled through. Either way I wanted attention and while I'd received some it didn't feel like enough. Maybe lesbians were all just scared shitless and waiting on each other to make the first move, unless they were the butch, manly type who I tried to avoid because even imagining doing anything with them made me want to puke. OR, maybe they were intimidated by me. I liked that option better but really, who knew? Not me. I wasn't exactly one of them.

I stopped dancing without even waiting for the song to end, the music beginning to grate on my nerves. I took a cursory glance around the dancefloor before determinedly setting my gaze on the bar. I wasn't going to let that asshole Williams ruin my fun. And I didn't have to wait for some dyke to buy me a drink to start having fun either. I had cash. I could make my own fun and have a blast in between finding information to take Williams down.

My heels clicked as I set my walk towards the bar, smirking when people stepped out of my way rather than making me have to wind round them. I stepped neatly up to the bar without waiting and leaned upon it, tapping my fake nails on the surface as I waited to be served. I moved my elbows inwards, pushing my chest out a little. The bartender could have no interest in the view down my dress at all.. but you'd never know if you didn't try.

My god, your drunk mouth could so get you in trouble with someone not as laid back as me. Just.. um.. f-y-i. I’d been desensitized by that Byrne fucker. Either way, I was still having fun, more fun than when I worked, which was saying something. For the most part, I actually liked my job. I actually did almost feel as if I was kind of out there partying myself. But fuck, no, I wasn’t talented enough to dance with a tray of shots in my hand. Might not look as great anyway.

God! Preach it, dude. Like don’t try to explain me.. to me, right? Just get the fuck off. And while I wasn’t some anti straight asshole like some people were, I did feel like that happened a lot. Like they felt the need to create some kind of explanation for why we weren’t just. fucking. like. them.

I actually stopped dancing and started rubbing my forehead, debating on whether or not to correct Lenny’s misunderstanding of what I’d said. Maybe my words were kinda.. too nineties? Maybe the really cool kids didn’t say “you’re a trip” anymore? Or, maybe he was as Jesse had said, a little thick. Shit, I guess he wasn’t talking about his cock like I thought he was. Did your skull and cock have a correlation in thickness? Fuck, I needed to get this shit out of my head, and be incredibly thankful for my own sexuality. Yet? Gawd, son, you’d better be joking, Then I smiled, just to show him I knew and wasn’t actually going to kick his ass or anything. Yeah, I’d let the tripping misunderstanding go, and I continued to dance. And since we were clear about our boundaries, I let loose, and shook my ass, my tits, whatever I felt like. I was working up a bit of a sweat, and damn, it had been too long because I was almost getting a side stitch. I needed to do this more - maybe I’d actually keep some weight off.

Wait, what gave you that impression? I’m just sayin’ uh.. girl looks a little bit higher on the scale than your typical bar slut, you know? I paused, and let myself take a look at what the girl was advertising. And don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate. I’m a total bar slut myself.

I sighed, thinking that my outta-shape ass could use a break, even though I wouldn’t have argued checking out my options. Hell, some of the options would be at the bar, too, right? Yeah, dude, I’ve played this game with my buddy Logan a few times. He’s straight as hell, and his gay-dar is shit, so yeah, he has - had me finding out for him. I’ll give you a freebie, but son, you’re runnin’ low on ‘em. I winked. I started to her, almost, almost put off by the obvious move to show the girls off. Shit, how often had I done that one myself? It wasn’t going to work on Josh, not because he wouldn’t be interested, but because I was going to grab her attention first.

I moved so that I was standing beside the seat next to hers, but I didn’t sit. I cleared my throat, to make my presence known, raised an eyebrow and finally spoke. Not a bad way to earn yourself a drink, And then, the perks of working with the bartender made themselves present again. He noticed me, then looked at her. ”Looks like she’s buyin’, so what’ll it be?”

What? I made a 'pfft' sound and snorted at Donna, I'm not fucking drunk. Shit, I've only had.. one drink and... some shots. I'm great. I'm not drunk yet anyway...

And I hoped that more shots or 'jungle juice' would remedy that problem. I didn't feel as drunk as I wanted to be. In fact, I felt ridiculously sober. I could have gone to work like that and no-one would have noticed.

I leaned heavily on the bar, almost to the point of leaning my head on it, waiting for the bartender to notice me. It didn't last long before I got fed up waiting and waved him down. Hey, can I get some more of that Jungle Juice? I asked, and he nodded in response.

I took a barstool and grabbed the glass when he gave it to me, taking a small sip out of it and frowning, trying to watch Donna and the hot chick. Fuck.. she probably would be a lesbian. In one way it was good because if she went for Donna then I'd won but at the same time.. what the fuck was I going to do for the rest of the night? I'd paired Donna up with the hottest person in the place and I was left to myself. I groaned and took a bigger gulp of my drink, leaning round to scope the place out further, or attempt to. There had to be one guy in the place I felt attracted to, or attracted enough to take my ass off the seat and go up to.

With the lighting I couldn't exactly see much from the bar so I gave up and refocused on Donna instead. The guy between me and her moved off the barstool so I slipped off mine, literally - having to splay a hand out on the bar to stop myself tripping into Donna's ass - and climbed on the one next to her so I could see what was happening. I put my lips back to my glass and side-eyed them, doing my best to seem as if I wasn't watching them at all.

As I'd half expected the bartender didn't instantly get up in my face to grab the best eyeful of my tits. I let out a small sigh and was about to holler at him when there was a noise and a movement next to me. I glanced to the side, unmoving apart from one raised eyebrow, and then let a smirk stretch across my glossy lips. Maybe things the night was starting to look up.

I'm glad someone appreciates it. I said, smiling slyly and taking in the girl's appearance. Bright hair, but not a cyber goth, obviously interested in me but not an ugly butch lesbian... she was pretty, actually, and got me wondering how her hair was so blue and yet so silky looking. The parts of my hair I'd dyed in highlights always wanted to frizz and dry out more and caring for them was a nightmare compared to the rest of my hair. I let my vision scan down over the blue-haired chick's body, giving her a show, and then darted back up to meet her eyes. I licked my lips slightly, turning my body so I was looking over my shoulder at the girl before turning completely towards the bartender.

Jack. Straight up, no ice. I said, my gaze already back to the woman before I finished speaking. Finally, someone who was willing to give me the attention I deserved. I flicked my hair over my shoulder and turned back to her, jutting my hips forward slightly. So... are you always allowed to flirt with the customers? Or do they even encourage it? I asked, raking my gaze down her attire with a smirk. Either she worked at the bar or just fancied dressing like she did for some reason.

There was movement behind her, which wasn't unusual, but the pair of eyes on us from the bartop was. I leaned a little to get a better look, the guy trying to act as if he hadn't blatantly been watching, and raised an eyebrow at him, leaving it up as I looked back to the woman. I let out a shocked laugh. Seriously, men. Is... he with you? I asked, my eyes glittering with mirth. He was still looking away from us and pretending he hadn't been perving when it was so obvious he had and I just found it hilarious, my shoulders and everything south of them jiggling with held back laughter.