setting
Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

Current Time in Index, Washington:
rules
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 [Closed] Closing Doors

[Closed] Closing Doors

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[Closed] Closing Doors

Lenny Tronconi | Army of God; Hunter

Posted on Tue Jun 02, 2015 8:36 am

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Lenny and Avery's residence | Cold but bright | Feb 22nd, 11:30am



I sighed out a breath of cigarette smoke, squinting against the horrifying brightness of the sun. It made me wish I knew if I even owned sunglasses, or didn't give a fuck enough to smoke in the house, but I didn't, so out on the porch was where I had to be. I nursed the mug of coffee in my hands, but I felt like I should be nursing my head in them instead. It hurt so fucking much and I missed the time when I drank so often that hangovers never had the chance to be that bad.

The door swung open with a slight creak and I looked up to see Jesse walking out onto the porch with a coffee.

Quote Begin Oh, I didn't think you had one.Quote End He said, pausing in walking over to look at the coffee perched on the seat in between my legs, and then down at the one he was carrying. He took a sip out of it and continued to the chair next to me. I closed my eyes in appreciation that he wasn't so loud and fucking chatty as he usually seemed to be.

Quote Begin Are you okay?Quote End Jesse asked, and with my eyes still closed I nodded - Quote Begin Yeah, fine. 'Just a hangover.Quote End I grunted. The silence hung in the air until I opened my eyes and looked to Jesse, frowning at the concerned way he was gazing at me - as if his silence wasn't worrying enough. Quote Begin What?Quote End I bit out, feeling too tired and strung out to deal with any of his shit. Quote Begin Babe, don't you remember? Last night?Quote End Jesse asked, so careful, and it was the way he looked at me that was the worst.  Not even a tiny amount of anger or annoyance, just sympathy, concern. It struck a sense of dread into me and I opened my eyes more, staring at Jesse. Quote Begin We went to a party?Quote End I continued, squinting at him and hoping so much that the cold, churning feeling in my gut was wrong.

Jesse shucked his chair closer and put his hand over mine and the feeling only intensified. I stared down at his hand, my cigarette smoking away in my other hand, completely forgotten.

Quote Begin Babe, Quote End Jesse started again, in a tone that sobered me up more than anything else I'd tried that morning, as he tried to soften whatever he was about to say, Quote Begin When we got back, last night, and we went up to your room, you were a bit, y'know, handsy, and we ended up on the bed making out, and it was all going fine at first. You obviously wanted to go further, and you started to, but then...Quote End He broke off, taking a breath that made me feel sick, the fact he'd needed to take a breath, Quote Begin Something happened, you.. you started crying.Quote End Jesse was still looking at me, and he squeezed my hand.

I felt sick. So sick, right to my stomach. My gaze didn't move from my hand, covered by Jesse's, and I didn't move at all. What was I meant to do? To say? To that? I couldn't even believe what he'd said, or believe that it had happened - I wasn't sure which of them, and I just didn't know what to do. So I sat there, silently, still as a stone.

Jesse obviously took that as a cue to continue. Quote Begin There's nothing wrong with it, Lenny. If anything.. it all makes sense now, babe, we've all got stuff we need to work through.Quote End

In a flash, I jumped up from my seat, coffee spilling everywhere as I ripped my hand from Jesse's.

Quote Begin I'm not working through anything. I don't have any fucking issues!Quote End I shouted, looking at Jesse for the first time and glaring at his stupid sad face. He couldn't know this. I didn't want him to know anything - he had to think I was normal.

Quote Begin Babe, I didn't say you had issues, but seriously? You're going to pretend everything's fine after that happened?Quote End He looked back at me, imploringly.

Quote Begin Everything is fine!Quote End I shouted back, finally earning a glimmer of annoyance from Jesse, pulling him out of his shitty, comforting and pitying mood. Quote Begin I'm fine!Quote End

Jesse sighed, looked away and shook his head in exasperation. Quote Begin Lenny, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you, but we can't just gloss over this! Maybe something's hurt you, I don't know - but that's the point, I don't know about any of this, even how to stop it happening again-Quote End

Quote Begin It won't happen again! And why the fuck is it any of your business?Quote End I shouted back, what had originally begun as some weird pity session, slowly devolving into an argument.

Quote Begin I'm your boyfriend, Lenny! I want to help you-Quote End

Quote Begin I don't need your fucking help!Quote End

Quote Begin -and I can't do anything if I don't know anything! All this time, I was thinking you were pissed at me, or I'd done something wrong, or damn, even that you weren't attracted to me, Lenny-Quote End

Quote Begin Why the fuck are you making a big deal out of this Jesse? There's nothing wrong, and it's nothing to do with you!Quote End

Quote Begin How can you say that? Lenny, you were so upset last night, do you know how hard it was seeing you like that? How was I meant to know what to do? I just want to help, Lenny! And I'm your boyfriend, whether you want me to know or not, it affects me, so it is to do with me. You need to let me in... All this time, I knew that something-Quote End

Quote Begin There's nothing! There's nothing wrong! And I don't want to let you in!Quote End

Quote Begin Well what do you want, Lenny? What am I meant to do? Quote End

Quote Begin What the fuck do you mean? I want you to stop asking stupid questions like you always do, and shut the fuck up!Quote End

Quote Begin Do you even want a relationship?Quote End Jesse spat back at me, the anger between us hot in the air.

But the question suddenly stopped me. It knocked the air out of me and I just stared back, not sure what to say to it at first. Did I want a relationship? The question resounded within me and I knew the answer really - no. I didn't want a relationship. I just felt like I needed one because everything was so fucked up, that it was the only way left to do anything. For someone to think I was normal, and want a relationship with me because of that. I didn't want one, I needed one, but I could say that without just giving Jesse more ammunition and he already had plenty from whatever had happened the previous night.

Quote Begin What?Quote End I said, staring back at Jesse and so obviously trying to deflect.

He stared back, and slowly, the anger went out of his eyes. And I wanted it back. I wanted to shout, and argue, and fight at each other. I hated the sympathy and realization of whatever he thought he knew that replaced the anger in his eyes.

Quote Begin Lenny, I said.. do you want a relationship?Quote End Jesse asked again, but this time it was quiet, no anger, and he was looking at me with a strange look on his face. And as if he already knew the answer. As if he'd suddenly realised something, and I was left out of the loop wondering what was going on.

Quote Begin What's that got to do with anything?Quote End I said, desperately, feeling like I was starting to lose something. I didn't want the relationship, but I felt like I needed it, even through the ups and downs we'd had. Just like I needed the argument we'd been having, not whatever it had turned into.

Jesse walked a bit closer, gazing on at me with a small, sympathetic smile while I stared back at him like he was an alien.

Quote Begin Lenny... I think, maybe... this isn't working out. And it's not my fault, and it's not your fault, okay? - and I want to be your friend still, but right now, this just isn't right for us, can't you see it's not working? I don't want to end up hating you, you're a great guy, you're so cute and funny, and I do want to try and be friends, okay?Quote End Jesse rubbed at my arm and I was so shocked, so out of it, that I didn't bat it away, I just stood there. Quote Begin Maybe it's just not the right time for you to be in relationship, to think about someone else. It seems like you need to focus, on you..Quote End Jesse squeezed at my arm and looked at me, smiling a weird smile, Quote Begin Okay? Quote End

I nodded, but I wasn't sure what I was nodding at. Everything just seemed a blur in reality, and in my mind I was focusing on one thing. Hadn't I known this would happen? That I was broken, and that it would never work, and that there wasn't any hope left? That the relationship was doomed from the start, because of me?

The next period of time passed in a haze. When I actually came to and became aware Jesse was gone, the door to the house was left open and swinging in the breeze. My spilled coffee had started to soak into the porch floor. Next to it, the glow of something caught my eyes. It was the butt of my cigarette, still lit, still slowly burning on the wooden floor.

I watched it for a minute, the slow glow and burn. Then I stepped forward and stamped it out, grinding it into nothing with the heel of my shoe before stepping over it and going back into the house, slamming the door behind me.

#Closed #Solo

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