setting
Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

Current Time in Index, Washington:
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 [Private] Funds and Feuds - Page 2

[Private] Funds and Feuds

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Re: [Private] Funds and Feuds

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Fri May 01, 2015 3:44 pm

There was that word again, ''try''. Was that all that mattered to her? Fucking effort? I didn't respond to fucking effort, effort meant nothing, results meant everything. I tried to not hurt her when she shows up at One shot, I really fucking tried, but what did it matter? I couldn't stop myself. She got hurt anyway, despite how much I tried not to, she got hurt anyway, that was the fucking outcome, and that was all that mattered. Effort means nothing to me. - I demand results, we don't have fucking room for error, I think I'm living proof of that. If you can't help me, one fucking man, someone who fucking respected you. Then how do you ever expect to help an entire fucking army of wolves that don't respect you, a pack of wolves that will simply ignore everything you fucking try to teach them and tell them simply because you're a woman? Because you didn't earn your position. That is how they see you, that is how they will always see you. Me, I was your chance to prove yourself, I was your chance to show you could handle a tough fucking situation, but you did nothing to help me. You made it escalate, you made it worse. What kind of fucking pack master would I be if I let you train wolves when after months you can't even help me?

The way she was stepping back had my fangs retreating and eyes dimming. I couldn't tell her to stop, I couldn't tell her to hold her ground because her lack of trust for me was only a fraction of the lack of trust I had for myself. The only problem was, I couldn't back away from myself. She had that luxury, to escape me, but I didn't. I took a big step forward and gripped her shoulders. My eyes were wide, almost manic, but pleading all at once. My tone was so low, it was a shaky whisper. I hear you, I know what you are saying to me, I get it, but you aren't hearing me. This isn't demonic, this isn't the Amityville Horror Peyton. This is me. It is all me. I didn't ask for you to call in a fucking priest, I asked you to help me gain control. And that night- I couldn't even say it, because it was a night that was deserving of a title, so whenever we heard that title we could tie all of the horrific things that happened that night to a name, and banish it forever. I didn't have control...

I released her, finding that she was pinned without escape against the door, and stepped back to give her, her space. I'm not giving up, but I'm not involving you anymore. You can't be a part of this, no one can. It's a battle with myself, I'm the only one that stands a chance, and the more I hurt people, and the more people that die at my hand... I stopped and eyes widened. I hadn't meant for that to come out, I hadn't meant to admit it. I'd never told anyone before and here I was letting whatever this situation was get control over me and it slipped out. It fucking slipped out I couldn't... I couldn't look at her, I just moved to the open kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vodka, feeling stupid that I was focusing the fact that I was pissed that it wasn't whiskey. How could I even think about that after I had just let my biggest secret escape me like projectile vomit?

I moved to the open living area and sat down on the couch as I twisted off the cap and took a drink. I had been defeated, and not just by her words, but by my own. You're reinstated... You can tell Brutus whenever you're ready... I stared off into nothing. I didn't want her to leave now, because the second she walked out that door I would start feeling increasingly paranoid that my secret would be revealed. Would she do that? I didn't know, but I had just given her all the leverage she needed to control me entirely, and it wasn't even that, that I feared most.

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Re: [Private] Funds and Feuds

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Fri May 01, 2015 5:20 pm

Was he for real? I mean, he wasn't the brightest crayon in the coloring box but I didn't think he was stupid either. Fucking hell man, don't you think I know all that? But I also know that you can't get those damn results without putting that effort in. Nothing get done without fucking effort and perseverance is the key with that. And this goes way beyond you and helping one 'man' and all that- I stopped for a moment, something he'd said sinking in at that moment and actually managing to shock me temporarily speechless. He'd respected me? When the fuck had that happened and why the hell hadn't I known? I mean, we'd started to get on okay and then we'd gotten on a lot more than okay but fuck it, having sex couldn't make someone respect you, could it? I gave myself a mental shake, pushing those thoughts aside and figured that since he'd used past tense that there was no fucking point even wasting time trying to figure that one out. 

Look, whatever you think about the pack is probably true. I mean yeah, most of them don't give two fucks but that hasn't put me off yet. I don't care how many times I've to come down hard on them or how useless it seems because fuck it, I'll persevere 'til I get those results. I'm not going to say I care about having their respect because it'll give methe warm tingle-y's because that's be just the biggest load of crap. But I do care about getting it because it'll mean I can actually do what I'm supposed to and fucking help them. Yeah, they're too stubborn to see that and I'm aware that that might never change. But at least it's different with them because I actually know what I'm dealing with. Comparing your case to them... that's just grasping. I shrugged, wondering how he could've thought that trying to place his freaky shit on the same level of the pack's regular, though annoying, shit was even in the fucking realm of fair. Because it really wasn't and it just left me feeling a little confused on top of everything else.

The last thing I expected was him to follow my steps, which was probably stupid of me. I had to swallow back the noise of protest that rose in my throat when I felt his hands on my shoulders and the kaleidoscope of feelings that cause. I half-imagined I could feel those hands gliding up, reaching for my throat again ready to squeeze the life from my body. It was so frustrating knowing that it wasn't even happening, that my brain was just overreacting. But the worst part was that that wasn't the only reaction his touch brought, that my body could still remember how much I'd wanted him even when my brain was telling me all wanted was to be away from him. I hated every second of feeling so fucking unsettled and was just going to leave, give up the fight, but he was still gripping my shoulders and I forced myself to look up and meet his eyes. What he said brought me back to confusion once again. It was like something didn't add up and I just wasn't seeing it. I didn't say anything, not even when he backed away, just letting him continue and trying to see if I could piece it together, whatever the fuck it was I was missing. Then of course he went and said that made my mind just go completely fucking blank. Die at your-? I- I... are you serious? I couldn't fucking believe I'd actually stammered, but it was actually out of shock more than fear. I stood there, not reacting and just thinking over everything, my mind reeling from what I'd learned and struggling to make sense of it all. It was obvious he wasn't talking about a fanger or something because who the fuck would care about taking a life from something like that. I watched him move around without really seeing him. Even when he said what I'd come in here wanting to hear, even when he gave me what I'd wanted... I didn't feel like I'd won anything.

Finally I just groaned, wondering why I'd ended up a dog instead of a cat since curiosity was obviously my biggest fucking problem and hey, could even end up getting me killed. I followed him over to the living area and sat down on the other end of the couch, staring at him with a frown. I realized that I'd been quiet for a ridiculously long time but there was just so much to process here. I don't understand. Okay I mean, probably the understatement of the fucking century so I'll just start at the beginning. I thought I'd figured out what was bugging me but the only way I'd know was if I asked about it. You said I wasn't hearing you and yeah, you might be right there. But when you say that all of this is you and that there's nothing demonic involved... do you really think that this is like some fucked up supernatural bipolar shit? Like an extreme split-personality? My frown deepened, getting the feeling that my suspicions were right now that I was actually voicing them out loud. I don't think you're just battling yourself here. Do you... I'm guessing you don't remember the part of that night when something used your voice? Because it's fucking burnt into my mind forever.

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Re: [Private] Funds and Feuds

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Fri May 01, 2015 5:58 pm

It did go beyond me. Maybe she was hearing me after all. That is what I'd been fucking saying all night. It went well beyond me, which was why I did what I did in the first place. I had more than myself to fucking think about, and actually for the first time in a long time I'd been happy with that. It was a good fucking distraction, and brought balance to my inner darkness. Being a better pack master, and helping my wolves no matter how stupid or stubborn they were wouldn't fucking redeem me, but it helped, it was all I could do. It helped even more knowing no matter how much I helped them they would never thank me, they would never appreciate me or accept me. I didn't deserve any of that anyway, so, I guess my deal with life wasn't as rotten as I had anticipated. I was only getting what I deserved, and doing the best I could.

I didn't answer her question, I had already said too much. Instead I just let her own words replay in my mind, thankful that it was enough to help me forget what I had just admitted. I wasn't going to admit to her that any of her points were right, so instead I propped my elbows on my knees and hid my face in my hands. No matter how long I stayed like that, it wouldn't change the fact that I was not alone. It wouldn't make her disappear, but it gave me a moment of clarity. I removed my hands and huffed in defeat. You're... I cringed even at the thought of what I was about to say, Right, not on everything. But on some things. I don't want you to fail them, because if you fail them, then that means I've failed them. And judging by my situation and how little you helped me, I'm expecting you to fail. Don't take that as an insult Peyton, it's just how I have to see it, because not being prepared for the worst isn't an option. If they didn't believe in me before, crowning you as warlord means they definitely don't believe in me now. It's not just about me, I know that, but a lot of it is. They make it about me, I don't do that. Odin was their pack master, they respected him, and in turn he was able to lead a life separate from them while still being their alpha. I can't do that, every decision I make, even if it has nothing to do with you, or me, or them, it makes a difference. I am watched, everything I do or say is watched with eyes already seeing through a filter of doubt. Don't you understand? The pressure to succeed isn't just on my shoulders now, it's on yours too, more than any alpha and warlord in this packs history. We can't fail, we can never fail them like we failed me.

I wanted to scream it at her, and I didn't want to sugarcoat it but I was just, tired. Too tired to fight anymore. I let her speak, not knowing what to expect and instead I just took a drink from the bottle and stared at the label. I was pissed at it, and not because it wasn't whiskey anymore, but because it had become a useless medication. I squeezed the bottle so tight my knuckles were going white and I didn't know if it was because I had no idea what to do with myself without a use for alcohol, or if it was because of what she was saying. But I just squeezed, so tight my hand began to shake from another part of me that was clearly trying to prevent me from squeezing too hard and absolutely losing it. I flung the bottle across the room and covered my leaned over to cover my ears.

My eyes let me know that she had stopped talking and I released the tension around my head. You don't know what you're fucking talking about! What you think you remember isn't- I stopped, breathing loudly through my nose with a tense expression of anger. GOD DAMNIT! You fucking get under my skin! - I don't give a fuck what you think you remember, it was me. IT WAS ALL ME. All I wanted to do was rip your fucking heart from your chest. Don't you fucking understand?! I know it was me, you can't know because you're you, you're not me. I know me, I know what I wanted, I know what I was thinking. IT WAS ME. Nothing else. Now just fucking drop it. I reinstated you, just fucking drop it.

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Re: [Private] Funds and Feuds

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Fri May 01, 2015 7:08 pm

Just waiting there, listening to him talk until I realized that yes he was in fact making a damn speech, I went through everything from wanting to hit him again when he said he expected me to fail- insult intended or not- to feeling really fucking bad for him and myself. Shit, I hadn't exactly though of it that way before and honestly, I wasn't exactly appreciating the eye opener he'd given me. That whole blissful ignorance thing was a saying for a reason. I couldn't even enjoy the fact that he'd admitted to me being right about something because there was just too fucking much going on, too much being said. Fuck... why the hell didn't you, I dunno, make it more clear how much was riding on me not failing. Why did you even say yes man? Fuck if I'd known about all this shit I would've found something else to ask for, it wasn't warlord or nothing you know. I wouldn't have just run along and told everyone your secrets because I was 'mad' at you- I'm not a fucking child. This is just such fucking bullshit, Odin was respected because he was like that favorite relative that always let you get away with shit. That's the most moronic form of respect I can think of. It's all so stupid, all the archaic traditions and petty anger towards anyone who doesn't fit that... and God fucking help you if you actually want to change any of it. I groaned, for the first time in ages wondering how much easier my life would've been if I'd just never been turned at all. I wouldn't have to deal with this shit or be expected to understand that I was inferior just because I didn't have a dick and my tits weren't courtesy of a lifetime of junk food.

And don't think that me asking about why you didn't say no means that I don't want the rank or wished you hadn't given it to me... because knowing that doesn't change anything for me. If this shit is on my shoulders too then fine, that's just how it's going to be. Leaders are meant to share the load anyway right? They're not meant to make things harder for each other. I scowled slightly then, thinking back to how pissed I'd been when Brutus had told me about the training session. That had been a prime example of not making things easier but the rage I'd felt about the whole thing had faded somewhat. At least I understood now, even if it just made me pissed at him for giving up. He could be just so fucking pigheaded about irrelevant shit and was so the type to not admit being wrong even if the proof was staring him right in the face. So where the fuck was that stubbornness now? Fuck, that was one personality trait I'd never thought I'd be unhappy to see a lack of. I'm not giving up, not on the pack and not on my word. I muttered, though I wasn't even sure what I could do anymore or if I really wanted to. But just giving up was worse.

My head whipped around, eyes following the bottle he'd thrown across the room and wondering if now would be a good time to just get the hell outta dodge. Fuck it, at least there were windows to dive through here so I wasn't feeling overly trapped or freaked out. Plus I couldn't start thinking every time he got pissy meant a visit from his own Mr. Hyde, not when he was just so naturally pissy anyway. Actually, I know exactly what I'm talking about. I was the one with the clear fucking head that night and I've heard you speak enough to know the limits of your fucking vocabulary and just... fuck, I know how you talk. Plus the thing spoke into my head with a fucking FEMALE voice. Is that not fucking weird or have you been practicing your mental ventriloquism without telling me? I was shouting now, angry all over again and this time it was because he seemed more concerned with having his personal pity 'why me?' party then actually listening to what I had to say. I get under your skin? Why good because you piss me off more than anyone else I know so I'm gonna call that even, 'kay buddy? What the fuck did that even mean anyway and if it meant I annoyed him then why the fuck didn't he just fucking say that? I growled and tried to tone back the sarcasm before I spoke again. Yeah, you did reinstate me and fine if you want me to go then I will. Fucking fine by me. But I meant what I said about not leaving one leader to deal with everything. I let my eyes wander, my gaze catching the papers I'd knocked and made a mental note to pick them up before I left before turning back to look at him. I had one last trump card but I didn't want to play it unless I had to.

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Re: [Private] Funds and Feuds

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Fri May 01, 2015 7:57 pm

Because I thought if anyone could fucking take the responsibility, you could! Maybe I thought fucking wrong, or put too much faith in you but that's not even the point. And it wasn't my fucking deal to begin with. You gave me lessons, and I gave you one wish. It wasn't my job to sway your opinion one way or the other, it was your job to determine what you wanted in return. You chose rank, and I gave it to you without trying to influence your decision, which was the right fucking thing to do. What did she expect? There was responsibility that came with rank, what did it matter what kind of responsibility it was. Now that she knew how serious it was I was getting the feeling that she was regretting her decision, and I had enough doubt for the two of us so there was no room for her to have doubt too.

Yeah, we both know it's fucking stupid but it doesn't matter. It's like finding the color of the sky stupid, it doesn't change anything, it's always going to be fucking blue. I wasn't jealous of Odin, in fact, I fucking hated the guy for personal reasons that no one could ever even fathom. But on his watch, wolves weren't exactly dropping like flies, not like they were now. The nests had overrun the fucking town, and because he never forced anyone to learn anything, no one was even close to knowing how to defend themselves against nests. Vampires, maybe, but nests of the things, no.

I guess. I shrugged my shoulders, and my expression made it perfectly clear I wasn't pleased about sharing any burdens with anyone. Especially her. I don't think our ranked relationship is exactly fucking traditional. I wasn't talking about the sex either. She was a woman, a lead warlord and a woman. And I was... Fuck I didn't even know... Unhinged. Fuck... No wonder the pack didn't respect their rank, we were a fucking freak show. Your oath is bound by blood, you couldn't give up even if you fucking wanted to.

I pulled myself upright and walked over to the shattered glass on the floor. She kept going, she just didn't fucking stop and I didn't know how to make her stop.  The glass crunched under my boot as I leaned my back up against the wall and closed my eyes. Fuck was she ever going to shut the fuck up about it? I tried getting angry, and that didn't work. I couldn't fucking take it, I would do anything if it meant she'd just, believe me. Or lie to me, fuck what I wouldn't give for a fucking lie. I craved the lie more than I'd ever craved a drop of jack in my entire life. I walked over towards her and used my foot to push the coffee table out of the way, and got down on my knees. My hands gripped under he knees and moved up to the sides of her legs as the side of my head buried itself into her stomach. You have to stop. I can't tell you why, but you need to stop. What you remember, whether you believe it, or know it to be true, needs to not be. Do you get it? How could I tell her to lie to me without blatantly telling her to lie? I couldn't, I could only hope she understood without forcing me to admit anything. I was just glad that my current position prevented me from looking her in the fucking eyes, because what I was about to say was so fucking hard. I knew saying it wouldn't change a thing, not for me, but I needed to say it. After weeks of avoiding her, I just had to. Maybe not because of who she was, but because of what she was. My warlord.

I'm sorry.

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