setting
Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

Current Time in Index, Washington:
rules
PLAYBYS: Sims from the games Sims 2, 3 and 4 are used to visually represent player’s original characters (no characters from within the franchise are allowed). But, you do not need these games to join and roleplay! If you wish, you can post a thread in our out of character / general forum and list as many physical details about your character as you wish. The members of Index will happily try and make a character for you, and you can choose which one you feel best fits your vision.

AVATARS: Avatars should display your characters face clearly and should be at least 200 pixels tall, and 200 pixels wide.

THREADING & POSTING: When threading with multiple characters, it is important that you post only when it is your turn. This can be acheived by taking note of who has posted before you, and remember you are to always post after them. If you were the thread starter, then it is your turn after the final person has joined your thread.

When creating a thread you are required to place a tag before the title. Here are a list of types of thread you can create and how to tag each one:

[Open] Anyone is welcome to join your thread, with no limit on the number of characters.
[Open - #] Anyone is welcome to join your thread, but there is a limit on the number of characters who can join. Replace the # with how many extra characters you will allow to join your thread.
[Private] Only specific characters can join your thread.
[Closed] This tag should be used for threads that only involve your character.

ACTIVITY: To keep threads moving, people are encouraged to post within three days when it is their turn. If you do not post within three days, and you have not asked people to wait for you, it is possible you will be skipped. Keep in mind this is just a suggestion. While we'd love for everyone to be active every day, we understand that real life and other hobbies are just as important, if not more. We want you to be active because you want to be, not because a rule is telling you to be.

MATURITY RATING: Public threads should all be PG. If roleplayers above the age of 18 wish to post content that could be could be considered graphic then it should be hidden from view using the [hide] [/hide] code, which will enable only those in the threads and administrators to view the content.


 [Private] Metamorphosis - Page 12

[Private] Metamorphosis

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Re: [Private] Metamorphosis

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:15 pm

Is this gonna become some sorta competition? 'Cause it sure feels like it could. I knew what he meant though, seeing as it kinda felt like my bones had turned to jelly or something like that. Every movement I made was languid and I felt lazier than I had in a long fucking time. I had no idea how long it would last either but like every other time that night my mind was incapable of focusing on anything bad for very long. Agreed. I said, too relaxed to put much effort into thinking up a smartass reply. I knew I'd have to force myself to get up eventually but it was still the middle of the night. Or at least I thought it was. I'd lost track of time at some point during the ritual.

My eyes drifted shut when he moved my hair aside, the feeling of it adding to the sense of calm I felt. I didn't keep them closed for long though, as much as the idea appealed to me. Instead I opened them again, making a face at the mess he'd made of what I'd said and the unappealing image that came with it. How can it be an orgy if it's just- actually nevermind. I don't need you planting images of of a dozen Mike Tyson's in my head. No thank you. Thinking about the idea of round too was far more fun, even if I knew there wasn't a chance in hell of it happening. Gimme like ten minutes and you can just lie there while I do the work. I was joking, obviously. Ten hours sounded more likely if I was being honest.

I shut my eyes again we silence settled over us, enjoying the feeling of being too worn out to even think about anything really, my mind just totally blank as I just listened to the sounds around me. The water moved softly against the shore of the lake, wind rustled trees and grass and nocturnal animals called to each other. The sound of his heartbeat and breathing was louder than anything seeing as I was right next to it. All of it combined felt like it was lulling me into some kinda peaceful trance. Not even the sound of my name could pull me fully from it. Hmm? Was all I managed at first, until his question sunk in and I slowly opened my eyes, turning my gaze towards him. 

I frowned, silent for awhile as I processed his words. Strangely I just didn't feel defensive about it. It's complicated. What? It really was. You know I was sixteen when it happened. At that age you think you know everything but being turned proved I knew nothing and didn't know how to handle shit. I paused, struggling to get the words out. At first it was because... shit, I was so fucking scared. I thought I was a freak so I thought that's all they'd see too. I thought they'd be better off. I swallowed, throat protesting the action. I checked up on them every couple of months though. Hid in the garden, stupid shit like that. Sometimes they seemed sad yeah, but others they seemed normal. Happy. I moved my shoulder like I was shrugging but it was just a cover. One day I went to check and... they weren't there anymore. I think I went back every day that week but there was no one. I figured they'd moved on with their lives. And if they'd been able to be happy then I'd wanted them to. So I let them go. I trailed off, lapsing back into silence, honestly having no fucking idea what kind of reaction I'd get.

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Re: [Private] Metamorphosis

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Sun Apr 05, 2015 11:36 pm

For a moment I thought she was dozing off. It was her initial response that made me think just that. When she moved, my eyes were still on the sky and I just assumed she was just making herself more comfortable. I was relieved though, when she finally started speaking. Not because it was bad to sleep, but because I didn't want to have to carry her all the way back to the fucking truck. I stayed quiet, just listening, providing mental commentary after everything she said. Like fuck yeah it was complicated, wasn't everything? The freak thing I couldn't relate to at all, and honestly the more she spoke, the more I just felt pissed off. Not entirely at her, but at the whole idea of it. She had an opportunity to keep her family but she didn't take it, she had one, and she what, ''let them go''?

I wasn't an idiot, I realized this wasn't something she just fucking talked about with people. That was the only reason I didn't tell her to get over herself. I mean yeah, it was really fucking sad, and I felt sorry for her not because of what she lost, but because of what she let go. It was really fucking sad, the pain it must have caused her, the pain it probably still caused her. But to me, that didn't erase the fact that she indeed did let it happen that way. Wasn't there a saying? It's better to regret something you tried rather than something you didn't try? Fuck it was something like that.

I shifted a little bit, trying to pretend like I wasn't feeling irritated by gently rubbing her arm. Fuck I wasn't that big of a dick, I didn't like to kick people when they were down. I would tell her how I felt about it, but I wouldn't fucking be that blunt about it. And you haven't tried to find them since? I asked, holding my tongue back for a moment before saying more. I mean... Did they love you? When you were human I mean. Did you come from a loving home? I asked curiously. I could understand if her family fucking hated her guts to begin with, I'd probably let them go too in that case.

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Re: [Private] Metamorphosis

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:05 am

They were- I mean they... Again I trailed off, frowning now. I'd never talked about this before, hadn't even really thought about how I'd feel if I ever did talk about it. But shit, didn't getting things like this off your chest usually mean that a weight lifted from your shoulders or that you could finally put it to fucking rest? But that wasn't how I felt. I mean yeah there  was some degree of relief but more than anything saying those words now, saying everything, had just made me mad. Really fucking mad at myself. It was like I was looking at it through new eyes and with new wisdom and all I could think was that I had seriously fucked up. They loved me. Fuck it, they would've understood, even if I hadn't told them everything they would've- I broke off as I realized how true the words were. I hadn't even given them a chance because of my own hang ups.

Actually, fucking up didn't even begin to cover what I'd done. No, I never tried to find them. At first I told myself that I would, when I got my shit sorted. But I just didn't. Then I told myself it was too late, too much time had passed. I fucking bullshitted myself. I groaned and raked a hand through my hair, wondering if it was thanks to the mage blood or my new rank that I could even finally admit it. Not just to myself but out loud. Like saying the words meant I couldn't take them back and go back to fucking pretending I wasn't affected by it. How can I spend ten years being a fucking coward and not realize it, Vin? Because that was exactly what I'd been, and if I'd seen then I'd lied to myself like a fucking pro, convinced that I'd done the right thing. That it'd been my only option.

No more though, I was done hiding shit from myself. Nothing could be gained from that. I had new responsibilities and a wider outlook on life. I wasn't going to get anywhere with my life if I didn't do something to clean up the mess I'd made of my past. I was just being selfish and self-pitying and I feel sick knowing it know but- Things were different now. I had resources at my disposal that I hadn't before and more than that I'd had enough of myself and being the sole cause of my own misery. Determination flared to life within me, power humming it my veins in a way that felt like approval. I raised up enough to lean an arm on chest and prop my chin on it. I was an idiot and a pussy to let them go, wasn't I? I don't want that anymore. There my family and I've every right to want them in my life. I'm going to try find them. I said, the idea stiffening with resolve in my head and then finally that relief people mentioned hit me, washing over me. I'd find them, I would.

I just knew that I wasn't going to be finding them tonight. The power I'd felt when I'd made my decision faded away, my body still too spent to handle it. But I felt better, lighter. I felt like my will was stronger and in that moment I could've made a choice about anything and been a hundred percent certain I'd never regret it. I settled back against his shoulder and smile a little ruefully. I didn't even know I felt like that. Sorry I called it Dr. Phil shit last time you tried to ask me about it. Because talking about it had been the only way I'd been able to see what a fucking wimp I'd been. I turned my eyes towards him, studying the strong line of his jaw while I thought things over. Maybe he was a better alpha than he realized. Family means a lot to you, huh? I know you've got your cousin and his kid but what about the rest? It's cool if you don't want to talk about it. I did want to know but it wasn't like I expected him to tell me just because of what I'd told him.

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Re: [Private] Metamorphosis

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Mon Apr 06, 2015 4:16 pm

I didn't know how I expected her to react to my questions. I knew the high was influencing our minds in very unbinding ways, but that didn't change the fact that I had no clue exactly all of the emotions she had attached to the topic. Was it any of my business? Well, yes and no. The only way a pack can truly follow a good high ranking leadership was if that leadership worked together. It had been proved throughout history, time and time again, and not just with our pack either. Our job wasn't just to run the pack, but to provide ourselves with information about ourselves so we could smoothly and honestly lead. We needed to stand together without surprises and be the one stable alliance our wolves could rely on. The only way I could think to describe it was... If a new warlord had a dark past that could potentially influence or change the lives of those he or she was leading, then that was something that needed to be known, even if it was painful or infuriating to discuss. As much as I would have loved for everyone to just black out the bullshit from their human lives it wasn't that easy, our human lives were a part of us just like our wolf lives and with both lifestyles came history, secrets, and potential, both good and bad.

I listened to her carefully, getting the feeling that she was coming to a realization in real time. Not just her words, but also her tone made that very apparent. The truth was, she didn't even need to tell them. She could have found them when she was an adult, when she had more control over what she was and could live on her own. She could have kept it completely secret and stayed in control of that secret if she really wanted to. And after some time, after her family could see that  her human side was still the same, even if it was changed in some ways, but they could have seen her human side, and wolf side was harmless to them, to everyone, and they may have accepted her. It wasn't even my family and it infuriated me that she didn't give them that chance. It infuriated that shes didn't give herself that chance.

For the same reason a fat chick asks her husband if she looks fat in what she's wearing Pey. Human, wolf, vampire, mage, anything capable of fucking intelligent thought likes to hear what they want to hear, even if they're telling themselves the lie. Lies are easier to cope with than the truth. Coward, yes, but it had nothing to do with her character and everything to do with fucking humanity, even those of us who were only half human. Maybe her first mistake was letting herself live that lie alone, without putting the burden of it on anyone else. Had she have talked to someone about it, another turned wolf who still stayed in contact with their human family, she might have seen that it was possible to live both lives side by side. Fear was a really fucking powerful thing.

Do you even want me to answer that honestly? I asked, but didn't wait for her answer. Yeah, you were a fool, but you're not anymore. It's better that you realize this shit now rather than spend your entire life missing out on opportunity., We're all fools. I added with an honest tone, not just to lessen the harshness of my honesty, but because it was true and we all needed to be reminded of it, even me. Yeah, and they have the right to have you too. Don't they? I didn't take any credit for any of this. All I did was ask a question, she did all of the work herself. A part of me was pissed that it had to be shared with me, just because I felt like I owed her now, but another part of me wasn't. I guess the part of me that wasn't pissed was the alpha in me. Wasn't this the kind of thing I was supposed to do? Make my wolves confident in speaking truthfully with me? In that moment I began to realize the burden of alpha went so much deeper than I had originally expected.

I groaned at her apology, but not in a bad way. In a ''fuck apologies make me uncomfortable'' acknowledging kind of way. I raised my hand to rub my forehead and let it fall limp at my side again. In an instant that feeling of owing her something in return came back when she spoke. I paused for a minute, finding myself really fucking distracted at the sound of the water moving only a few feet away from us. They're dead. I spat out, not wanting to waste time and give her the impression that it was some sensitive bullshit because it wasn't. Wolves were my family now. They were her family too whether she liked it or not. The important thing here was that she had proved to me that as warlord she could make progress. I wasn't on trial here, I had nothing personal to prove. My obligations regarding that were different. I gently moved her off of me and got up to head towards the water, suddenly feeling hot but I didn't know if it was from the conversation or from how closely I had been laying next her.

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Re: [Private] Metamorphosis

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:06 pm

My mind whirled with my own realization and I couldn't stop coming back to the fact that it had taken me so long to come to it. I didn't just feel like an idiot for practically living in fucking delusion land for the last for the last ten years. I also felt guilty. For ten years I'd let my family think I was missing or dead. How the hell had I been able to do that? It probably came back to the whole 'selfish' thing I'd already confessed to myself. And if I was really being honest with myself I'd been bitter, thinking they'd left me behind. It was fucking stupid but you thought irrationally when you were young, and it was hard to break habits and convictions that formed at an age like that. And I hadn't exactly been all peaches and cream as a kid.

Even before I'd turned people had told my parents I was a 'problem child' or something like that because from a young age I'd thought the best way to settle something was with force. Talking hadn't been my strong point and my grades hadn't been anything to brag about but I could hold my own against pretty much any kid who started shit with me. It hadn't helped having a sister with bright red hair who'd been bullied a lot for it. Back then if you ran to a teacher about something like that it seemed like the wimpiest thing you could do. You were branded a squealer and no kid fucking wanted that. So she'd just taken it in silence and it got to a point where I'd snapped and beat up one of the kids who'd done it. I'd been suspended and my parents had decided that putting me in martial arts class would help get it out of my system or whatever. I didn't even care and of course there'd been other fights. Eventually it stopped though and it'd probably been the first thing I'd felt fucking proud of.

So how had I ever convinced myself that it was okay to just walk away from them? There was no doubt that I'd cared deeply about my family but somehow I'd started to believe I didn't. Hindsight was definitely both a good and bad thing. Good because I could see where I'd gone wrong. Bad because it just made me wonder what if I'd done something sooner.

I couldn't help a short laugh at the whole 'fat chick' analogy, but I got serious pretty quick when I considered his words, weighing them carefully. They definitely had a ring of truth to them and for once I wasn't exactly sure how the fuck to respond. I frowned, looking up at the dark sky. It's crazy that the mind is capable of shit like that. I've been in peoples' heads and actually had a front row seat to hear them lying to themselves. You'd think I'd've recognized the signs. But that came back to what he said, believing what you wanted to believe. Maybe it wasn't so crazy that I hadn't seen it in myself after all.

His question surprised me until I realized it was probably rhetorical seeing as how he didn't wait for me to answer. I didn't feel bad when he agreed with the fact I'd been a fucking idiot. I didn't want fake niceness or pretty words. Give me stone cold truth over that any fucking day of the week. Jeez, don't pull any punches Vin, not like I've an ego to nurture or anything. I was obviously joking, but again I felt the amusement fade when he continued, just nodding and staying quite for a bit for I responded. Yeah, they do. If they can forgive me. I paused, thinking it over. I think they will though. Actually, I know they will. That was the whole point to a family right? No matter how much they might fuck up it was hard to stop caring about your family. Even when you'd prefer otherwise there'd always be that connection.

I forced myself not to react when he told me his family were dead, knowing that in his place any kind of pity would make me feel nauseous. But I felt like a total ass for asking about it. Okay. I said, just an acknowledgement of what he said. I had no intention of bugging him about it. I pulled back when he started to push me away, offering no resistance to it. Shit personal space was a privilege everyone deserve to indulge it. I watched him walking away, my eyes automatically going to his ass. Shit, maybe I should feel bad about the fact that I could even think about that but... honestly I'd had enough of the heavy shit for one night. My buzz had faded to the background a bit but I could still feel it, just waiting to spark back to life in the right mood. I slowly rose to my feet, putting all my focus into being as quiet as I possibly could and following him. A grin started to spread across my face as I did so, and when he was near enough to the edge I reached out, grabbing his ass with both hands. Gotcha. I said, then pushed hard sending him forward into the water. I practically cackled as I did it, crouching down at the edge and smirking. I used my telepathy to speak then. "Now we're properly even for you pulling me in earlier."  I bragged, laughing again.

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