Index was once a small and close-knit community, but the town located on the western side of Washington state has grown in recent years beyond anyone's expectations. It is the ideal place for those who work in Seattle but can't afford the city's high real estate prices, and for others the natural beauty attracts them to the town. And Index truly is a beautiful place - surrounded by thick evergreen trees, tall mountains and glistening rivers and lakes. While weather is typically rainy with overcast skies even this does nothing to take away from the beauty of the town, and it is only highlighted further when the heavy snow graces the town and caps the mountains in winter. To many, Index would seem like a paradise. And yet lurking beneath this visual beauty there is more to this town than anyone might ever imagine...

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 [Private] Hurts Like Hell - Page 4

[Private] Hurts Like Hell

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Re: [Private] Hurts Like Hell

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Wed Nov 26, 2014 10:28 pm

I glared at her at first, but that glare turned into a curious frown. So she wasn't making fun of it? Fuck, there was that weird feeling in my stomach and chest again. What the fuck? Was it fucking indigestion? I removed my left hand from the steering wheel and placed it on my chest. Whatever it was I wanted it to go away. What she said next didn't make it go away, but something else was happening too. There was no way her mentioning a good band was going to give me a fucking boner... Was there? I shifted in my seat and turned my head to look at her again. Don't fuck with me you don't listen to Finsterforst, you don't listen to any metal. You're more of a... I dunno, Miley Cyrus chick. What did she think I was? A fool?

If that's what you think you're doing then fine. But you're not living the best way you can with the hand you're dealt if you're fucking angry all of the time. My words at the end came out funny, as if what I didn't want to say it because I knew the words coming out of me were completely drenched in hypocrisy. I mean... Fuck... I guess I still mean it, even if it is fucking hypocritical. I sighed and let my eyes focus on the road. I wasn't trying to win in the conversation or anything but if this was a competition then I had definitely just fucking lost.

Yeah but how do you know that Oveyx? Have you tried it? Have you tried giving Ophiuchus a chance? I mean shit, yeah I fucking hate her but can you blame me? She could be a Megan Fox that's interested in metal, guns, and cars and I'd still fucking hate her. Why? Because I didn't choose her. I get one life and I don't get to choose who I spend it with. That's why I hate her, I mean yeah the young thing bothers me too but what is your reason? Do you even know anything about her? - If you don't like her I can accept that, and if you really fucking believe it wouldn't be good for either of you to be forced to live together for a short period of time, then fine. But do you have any fucking intention of letting anyone in? I just don't want you to end up like... I stopped, closed my mouth, and took in a deep breath through my nose and exhaled.

Don't fucking take this the wrong way, don't get gay on me, and for fucks sake don't snap at me either.

What happened tonight isn't fucking cool okay. I just think maybe if you spent less time hating the den and hating the pack, and hating the world maybe shit like this could be prevented? Do you know where Ophiuchus is tonight? She's with her friends. She wanted to turn and go for a run with me but got a call last minute from her friends and decided to hang out with them instead. She could have been you, but she wasn't because she was with someone. She was with wolves that she cares about and care about her.

I just don't want you to fucking die... Fuck. I finally blurted out, starting to feel pissed and wanting to blame her for making me say it. I still didn't feel like she was getting it. Maybe it was because I was dancing around what I really wanted to say until the very end, until I finally admitted that I didn't want her to die. I didn't want to fucking say it and after saying it I wished more than anything I would have just focused on the music boner she nearly gave me earlier and just dropped the entire fucking subject. Maybe I was just trying to push her into the arms of other female wolves, maybe I wanted her to make some friends so I could sleep at night knowing she wasn't out there causing fucking problems with our enemies and putting all of us at risk. Maybe I wanted to know she would actually take the fucking buddy system seriously...

I was thankful for the distraction, but starting to feel paranoid. I hadn't seen shit, so what the fuck was she talking about? I stopped the truck and pulled my keys from the ignition so everything was pitch black, and my eyes began to glow so I could really see what was out there. I looked around. What the fuck are you talking about I don't fucking see anything...

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Re: [Private] Hurts Like Hell

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Wed Nov 26, 2014 11:55 pm

What the fuck? Are you the only person on the planet that can have a decent taste in fucking music? Finsterforst, Behemoth, Ensiferum, Amon Amarth... do I really need to keep going? I growled, so ridiculously beyond pissed that he thought he knew what kind of music I fucking liked. I mean, shit I liked other stuff too but not the stupid, ear bleed pop crap that was all over the place these days. The only people who enjoyed that shit were the ones who only had enough fucking brain capacity to handle boring as fuck music. What the fuck about me make you think I like Miley-whatever. I mean, you hear all that shit when you go into stores and even that's enough to make you want to fucking deafen yourself. There was just no fucking way I looked like someone who listened to that. No way in hell. He was a fucking idiot if he actually though stupid shit like that. But beneath all that there was a weird fucking flicker of pride, knowing that I'd surprised him with that. 

Maybe I'm not pissed all the time. Okay so maybe you're right, but my fucking point is that it's not like you know what I do 24/7. For all you know I could drive to the nearest petting zoo sometimes and go nuts over all the fluffy fucker. I don't, but if I did how would you know? I stopped, not even sure what point I was even trying to make with that. My eyes lost focus again, making me wonder if Orazio had given me something that left really weird side effects. Focus returned quickly and I laughed a bit at what he said. Who better to talk about being blind with than a blind man, right? It didn't really matter if it was hypocritical, did it? Most people would say it meant you knew what you were fucking talking about.

The whole thing about Ophiuchus was harder to listen to. Hard to imagine a side to her that I'd honestly never seen before, but it wasn't like I could fucking blame him. Not like he could know everyone's opinion of each other. But harder still was to imagine her having a life and people who liked her. Being totally honest? I really do fucking hate her and trust me, the feeling is mutual. I don't know exactly why and maybe it was fucking wrong of me to never find out. I mean, shit even if I turned around and gave her a chance I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a fucking mutual thing. And then there's the fact I couldn't ever seen myself being friends with a teenager, I'm twenty six it would just be really fucking weird. I stopped, not feeling right about mentioning the age thing considering what he had to go through with it. But, something he'd said had made me stop and think. Did I want to let anyone it? And if I didn't, did I know why? I- I... don't know to be perfectly fucking honest. I mean... I just don't fucking know if I would. Sometimes it's not something you have a choice in. You couldn't always decide to let someone in... just like you couldn't always chose to keep someone out.

Gay? Why would I call him fucking g- oh. I looked over at him when he started speaking, like I couldn't fucking help myself. I didn't like what he was saying. In fact, I fucking hated it. But the only reason I would hate it was if I didn't want to hear because maybe on some level I knew he was right. I did everything alone, and I'd always been fine with it. But like he said, it could have been her but it wasn't... because she wasn't always alone. Was he... was he glad that it had been me and not her? Fuck, no what did it fucking matter if he was? I just... look even before I was turned I never exactly got on well with other kids. I got in fights, didn't like group shit and just didn't fit in. Even in my own family I felt like I didn't fit in. I told you I had a twin? She was the only exception to that. And I'd lost her. Finding that name in that guys head earlier and brought everything fucking back and I didn't fucking know what to do with that.

He didn't... he didn't what? I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if he's actually just said that or I was hallucinating. I mean, fuck it wasn't like I thought he'd just fucking love to see me dead but... hearing it like that was... it was another thing I didn't understand my fucking reaction to. I mean, beside it being awkward as fuck. I swallowed. That's... I- There was definitely something I wanted to say here. Shit I may have wanted to kill you more times than I can count... but I've never want you dead either. And don't fucking say that was gay because it damn sure fucking wasn't. It wasn't, right? Fuck, I just couldn't come out and say I gave a shit about him because that would definitely be fucking gay.

I groaned, getting totally fucking distracted as my vision started flickering again, two more black shapes seeming to fly right through the fucking truck. What the fuck was happening? I swung to look out the window, knowing that the truck was definitely not moving now... but the trees still were, getting way fucking closer to the the truck with every second I looked at the. Fuck. I looked away, back at him and immediately slammed back against the door, yelling in pain when my back hit it but staring at him with horror because his face was just fucking gone and- no, fuck it was back. What the hell was going on? Shit. Shit shit shit. You need to take me to my trailer right now. Like right fucking now. I didn't even fucking know how much longer I'd stay lucid for, before I could distinguish between real and not. I think... I'm seeing shit. I'm seeing shit I need familiar fucking surroundings. I felt that fucking need like it was vital to my entire fucking existence. He needed to take me back or I felt like I'd really fucking lose it.

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Re: [Private] Hurts Like Hell

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Thu Nov 27, 2014 11:19 am

She had absolutely no clue... It only proved my point further, she was isolated. What the fuck did she think bonded me to Orion and the rest of the guys? We didn't sit around and fucking chat about the weather, no we fucking talked about music. If she would take a minute to stop fighting the fucking pack on everything then maybe she would know that she had more in common with her family than she thought.

My eyes were on the road as she started naming bands and I bit at my lip in an attempt to fight the smile threatening to spread across my face. It was a battle I ultimately lost. That is the hottest fucking thing you've ever said. Who the fuck needed dirty talk? She could just sit there and name all of the bands that she liked, which just so happened to be the same as mine. That was enough to make any mans pants feel a little bit fucking tighter.

I just assumed because you have tits. My bad. I laughed. Clearly I underestimated your ability to understand what real music is. Fuck I wanted to stop thinking about it. It was causing that weird feeling in my stomach and chest to linger even longer and I wanted that shit to go away.

What do you do then? Something tells me your argument is completely pointless considering the facts. Yeah, if you went to the fucking petting zoo and went nuts over the fucking critters then you could tell me to fuck off and tell me I have no idea what I'm talking about, but the fact is, you don't do that. Maybe I don't know for sure but I fucking know you well enough to know that you don't. I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. That was a really good fucking point. I would have to remember that line for the next time someone called me a fucking hypocrite.

She was still missing the point. This wasn't about fucking Ophiuchus. It didn't need to be Ophiuchus, it just needed to be someone. Not every pack member was full of shit and vinegar. Hell if I had things in common with her then the chances of her having shit in common with others was completely fucking likely. I could pair her up with Ophiuchus for this buddy system shit but bottom line, I wanted her to actually like the person she went out with at night. Then I would at least know she would willingly participate in this shitty fucking buddy rule. Was it fun, fuck no it wasn't but it was fucking necessary.

Fair enough I guess... It was the last of what she said that had me fucking defeated. Ophiuchus was a teenager. Maybe some part of me wanted someone to share in that misery and obligation. Fuck if I knew. I guess there was no way for someone to share in it, it was my burden. Maybe it was time for me to fucking accept that.

Maybe if you keep telling yourself that you'll actually believe it some day. I hadn't exactly helped the fucking situation. Maybe if I had told her I knew what the fuck she meant by hating the den, by always having something shitty to say about the pack, by preferring isolation, maybe if she knew just how much I understood that she wouldn't think she was alone, or want to be... I couldn't relate to the twin shit... There was no point in thinking about it, I would never admit that shit to her anyway.

It's not gay, it's a fucking lie but it's not gay. It didn't make a fucking difference. There were two fucking categories anyway, and the group of people and wolves that wanted me dead was and had been winning over the group that didn't for a long fucking time. I didn't give a shit anymore, I wasn't like Odin. I wasn't a pack master for the fucking love and fame, I was alpha for one reason, because I had to be. I was just living the best fucking way I could with the hand I was dealt.

My eyes focused outside the windows of my truck but all I fucking saw was trees. There was nothing fucking out there. I was two seconds away from reaching in the back seat to pull out my shot gun and step outside to find whatever the fuck it was she was seeing until she flipped her fucking shit. I turned on the truck and pushed on the gas, Fine, fine! We're fucking going what the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus fucking christ!

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Re: [Private] Hurts Like Hell

Peyton Marx | Wolf; Warlord/Battlelord

Posted on Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:26 am

Peyton's place. Artwork and materials messily spread around living area b/c she left for her run without clearing them up. 

The stuff in italics in the last paragraph is stuff she thinks she's thinking but is actually muttering aloud. 

My brows lifted in surprise, my mind kinda going fucking blank for a few moments as I tried, and failed, to process what he had just said to me. Fuck, a huge part of believe he hadn't and I was definitely imagining shit. Hearing crap that wasn't being fucking said but.., then again probably wouldn't be feeling so fucking smug right then. I did have  fucking awesome taste in music, an I knew it too. Know that he did... that was harder to process but still not as hard as I would've thought. Likewise. I might disagree with most of the shit you say, but I can't disagree with your taste in music. I found my own lips fighting to smile at the whole thing. They won too.

Even when he mentioned the whole 'because you have tits' bullshit I didn't stop, just rolled my eyes and threw him a mocking grin. Clearly you're unaware of half the things you underestimate, but I'll give you this one. So gonna tell me the band or what? I said, feeling pretty fucking impressed with his taste too, and like I couldn't get that stupid smile of my damn face. Maybe I was really starting to see his point... I'd never really been able to talk about music with anyone before. Fuck, I really didn't want this to be the one fucking thing I thought he was right about.

What do I do? Shit, I mean it's not like I sit and stare at a fucking wall all day. I work multiple jobs, I train. I admit there's a lot of shit I forget to do, like getting groceries. I shrugged, realizing I was painting a really bad fucking picture of what I liked to do with my time. Fuck, it all came down to how much I was willing to say about myself... but really, at this fucking point why bother holding shit back? I sketch, I paint and stuff like that. You know metal working? I do that too. Made a fountain once and sold it for like five hundred bucks which was fucking awesome. My vision swam, making my eyes roll back but my head was turned away from him already. Fuckkkk itt, shit was trippy as hell.

I was beyond asking myself why I was telling him all of this, beyond understanding why the fuck it was telling him all this. He was a dick, there was no fucking doubt about that. But, shit as much as I really hated to admit it I'd seen that there was more to him than that. A lot fucking more actually. There were moments where I'd seen him act in ways I just couldn't even fucking let myself think about because it just led to more reactions in myself that I didn't get. I had respected him once, even though sometimes it was hard to remember why. Other times... other times I wasn't sure what the fuck I thought.

Then he'd be an ass all over again. I listened to him speaking, rolling my  eyes at his veiled insult about what I fucking believed. Seriously, how the fuck would he know what I thought or what I actually believed. But surprisingly I managed to ignore it- and it was what he said next that got a fucking reaction out of me. Fucking hell Onyx, do you even hear yourself? You go all advice mode on my ass, talking about giving people a chance and all that shit. Praising the god fucking damn goodness of it all. Well shit, if it's so great why not try it yourself. Ready? I glared at him, face set. I'm not fucking lying. Sometimes I even think you're not actually the fucking King of Douchebag-ism. And I don't fucking want you dead so take your own fucking advice and just try accept that. Fuck.

The shit I  was seeing got worse and I could feel my grip on what was real an not starting to slip away. How the fuck had this even happened? I glanced back at Onyx, seeking some kind of fucking stable point to fix my attention to, but his face was fucking gone again, the solid, unbroken skin of his mouth moving as he talked. Fuck, fuck, fuck, that was fucking creepy as shit. I told you what was fucking wrong with me. I. Am. Seeing. Shit. Fuck, I don't know how much longer I can keep it together. I didn't want to start freaking the fuck out in the truck and make us crash. I had enough fucking near death experiences for a night. It was getting worse though. I felt night there was shit crawling over my skin, biting at me and moving through my hair. I wanted to fucking scream, the feeling was just so damn horrible. I shuddered, bringing my feet up on to the seat and wrapping my good arm around them, burying my head against my knees. I'd try and hold on to clarity as long as fucking could, but I wasn't going to risk looking at anything that might set me off.

I didn't raise my head again until we slowed and I pointed out my trailer. That one, that one! I felt panicked again. The second I'd open my eyes I felt like the dark shapes were coming back for me. I had to get inside. Have to. Inside is safe. Safe was important. I wasn't sure why but I just knew it fucking was. I scrabbled for the door, struggling with the seatbelt and then jumping out before he'd even stopped properly. I ran around the side, yanking his door open and staring at him with wild eyes. His face was there. Good, good that meant he wasn't one of them not yet anyway. Be sure. I reached up, touching a hand quickly to the side of his jaw, then running my thumb up and over his brow and down the center of his nose. Okay. Okay, good. I nodded and stepped back, looking around for a second. Could be anywhere. I reached forward again, grabbing his arm and tugging it with my good hand. We have to fucking go. We have to. Now. I stopped and looked around again, turning in a quick circle. Key behind lamp. Get key, get in. Hurry up! They could get here any fucking minute! I turned back towards him, eyes glowing and just not understanding why the fuck he was taking so long.

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Re: [Private] Hurts Like Hell

Vincent Sawyer Byrne | Wolf; Pack Master/Alpha

Posted on Sun Nov 30, 2014 2:19 pm

I was mentally going through a list of bands I wanted to show her later. Maybe she'd know some but maybe she wouldn't. Shit I was actually getting excited about this, it had even slipped my mind for a minute that I was excited to talk music with her. Did it fucking matter? I spent more time with her than anyone else lately, finding a common interest like this was a serious fucking feat. At least it was one I could talk about with her. Equilibrium. It's Equilibrium. I smiled. There was no point in pretending, this was fucking cool.

Fair enough I guess... The more I thought about what she was saying the more I wanted to open my mouth. If that's living the best you can then fine. Throwing yourself into work didn't exactly equate to a long and happy life. What the fuck did it matter to me anyway? Since when was I so goddamned concerned with her happiness? You're fucking kidding. Five hundred bucks? What idiot spends five hundred bucks on a goddamned piece of equipment that spits water out? - I don't mean... I'm sure it was cool but shit, that's a stupid waste of five hundred bucks. Props to her for making money off the fucking retards in the world. I wasn't fucking kidding either.

I was starting to feel tired of this discussion. Yeah maybe part of it had to do with how weird she was acting. Something just didn't feel right and I was ready to drop it when sensed the irritation in her voice. I didn't even say anything in return. I just stared at the road knowing she was right. I could have thrown the thing she said to me earlier back in her face but I didn't. I knew the point I was trying to make to her but I didn't want to admit it. Listen, forget everything I said. Just... I turned onto the main road and looked at her for a moment before letting my eyes find the road again. Be fucking careful. I don't give a fuck if you like Ophiuchus or even the pack or not. Just look at them the way I do, maybe they're shit but they can be useful. And... Maybe if I made it less about wanting her to be more involved in group activities and more about them benefiting her in some situations she would listen.

Nevermind. The only way to make sure she would fucking heal properly was to get her to give me lessons more frequently. It was a sneaky fucking plan but Orazio wasn't an idiot and anyone would be stupid not to take his advice. Unfortunately she had this ''I need no one'' attitude about her and I had to find ways around it. Shit I understood but god damn there has to come a point when you have to just fucking accept you need help. It was a lesson I had learned recently but it was one that would stick with me forever.

I looked at her and with a smug grin I started to speak. Awww you really do like me. I teased, knowing that would probably make her uncomfortable but not really caring, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

What the fuck was even happening. What the fuck did you drop some acid? Is that what you're trying to fucking tell me? I could feel paranoia crawling it's way up my intestines. I couldn't fucking deal with people on psychedelics, it always ended really fucking badly for me. Fuck just calm down I'm going! I stepped on the gas again not really fucking caring if I got a ticket. I didn't want to be trapped in the cab of my truck with her while she was having some kind of fucking trip. The sooner I could get there, the better it would be for both of us.

My eyes were spent most of the drive looking at her and back to the road off and on. I nearly slammed on my breaks when she spoke again, her volume causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. FUCK! Chill the fuck out! My stomach was in knots, and I looked at her like she was a fucking stranger. I couldn't fucking help it, the shit coming out of her mouth sounded fucking crazy.

I was two seconds away from pulling away when she got out of the car but then she ran around to my side and started fucking feeling my face like a blind person. I kinda just looked at her with this disgusted look on my face. What the fuck I didn't know how to help her she was increasingly acting more and more like a fucking meth addict. Do you fucking hear yourself? Get it together for fucks sake. She yanked on me and as much as I wanted to fight it, get back in my truck, and drive off I couldn't. Fuck for all I knew she could enter her house and carve her own fucking face off. This chick was losing it.

I rushed ahead of her and got the key from where she said it was and opened the door. Get in then you crazy fuck.

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